Nothing clears the head like busting you're arse on a hard days work, never been so happy just carrying heavy shit and destroying shit ,no thinking just burning energy.
I hope things are looking up for you. I know exactly what you are talking about and it is just phenomenal what the mind can do to you, mimicking all sorts of really frightening things like heart attack, stroke etc. I use to hate that sick feeling and the sweats, the dread of just well as you say, believing that you are about to draw your last breath. All because of anxiety and depression throwing up those terribly dark thoughts that swirl around in your head even as you are trying to drift off to sleep.
Get rid of the ciggies,you can do it even if you have been addicted to them for 20 years; onward and upwards get the positive vibes going. Do things that make you feel good and obviously hard work is one of your ways but try at least to temper it with a bit of plain old relaxation. I know that you work hard and some of the things you have spoken about show you have a marvellous work ethic so put that to good use. Exercise and just getting active is one of the very best ways to fight anxiety and depression. Kids are brilliant therapy and you have beautiful kids who love you and want Dad around for a lot longer.
Since I have starting going to the gym regularly and working out and eating right I am so much more relaxed and I feel better than I have in years. Lol, I even do Yoga to not only relax and sooth the body but also the mind. Takes a while to be able to zone out and withdraw from the normal noise of the world but practice makes perfect and I always feel great after an hour class. Have now lost a whopping 24kgs and man does it feel good. It gives you a marvellous sense of self esteem when people say to you that you look fantastic and you should be proud of yourself. Well guess what I am!
You be proud of who you are and what you have done in life. You deserve better than having to put up with the shitty feelings and the dread of another episode coming on.
I wish you well mate and in saying that I know you can apply yourself to get to that better place.