The "R U OK ?" Thread

[Mr Invisible]

Another thing I should say... NATURE and GARDENING.
Gardening if you have the option is a great way to unwind and relax. Even if it's trying to grow a single rose, or trimming some hedges. It's a good way to wind down.

If that's not your thing, or you can't have a garden, escape to nature. Its one of very few things in life where you can have time out and really reflect on things. I normally take my $$$ camera out as well and take photos.

Jump in your car, rug up, and head to the Blue Mountains, or one of the many National Parks around Sydney and beyond. Heck even the State Forest at West Pennant Hills. You'll be amazed how something so simple as a walk in nature can give you a fresh perspective and calm you down. A really good spot is up either Yarramundi by the riverside, or Hawkesbury Rd (up the road furthur at the lookout). Been there many a time to reflect on life.

....

After my nightmare workplace harassment shit at last job, we went on holidays and a large component of that holiday was getting back to nature and walking quite a number of waterfall tracks in Northern NSW/SE Qld. Such a relaxing holiday and saw some amazing sights.

 

[CroydonDog]

Another thing I should say... NATURE and GARDENING.
Gardening if you have the option is a great way to unwind and relax. Even if it's trying to grow a single rose, or trimming some hedges. It's a good way to wind down.

If that's not your thing, or you can't have a garden, escape to nature. Its one of very few things in life where you can have time out and really reflect on things. I normally take my $$$ camera out as well and take photos.

Jump in your car, rug up, and head to the Blue Mountains, or one of the many National Parks around Sydney and beyond. Heck even the State Forest at West Pennant Hills. You'll be amazed how something so simple as a walk in nature can give you a fresh perspective and calm you down. A really good spot is up either Yarramundi by the riverside, or Hawkesbury Rd (up the road furthur at the lookout). Been there many a time to reflect on life.

....

After my nightmare workplace harassment shit at last job, we went on holidays and a large component of that holiday was getting back to nature and walking quite a number of waterfall tracks in Northern NSW/SE Qld. Such a relaxing holiday and saw some amazing sights.

I used to sometimes just drive somewhere. I've always liked driving. But when you are so worked up and distracted by work or personal issues, you possibly should be on the road.

Hacky could definitely do with a break, but when you're still on probation it's not really possible.

Hopefully you all down south ca enjoy the long weekend (we do Queens Birthday in October up here). Stay safe.

 

[Mr Invisible]

Another thing to do (and it may sound really dumb)...

Go for a run... exercise releases endorphins, which in turn boosts SSRI inhibitors in the brain (apparently), thus improving your mood.

I've got two apps on my phone (free and well worth getting):
CBTDiary - Never used, but just in case I need to work something out and get stuck.
Breath2Relax - An app that you setup, and helps guide you to control your breathing and calm right down.

I used to sometimes just drive somewhere. I've always liked driving. But when you are so worked up and distracted by work or personal issues, you possibly should be on the road.

Do you mean shouldn't.. I find driving strangely calming (well at least outside of when you're flogging around a racetrack having fun).

I can't recommend the bits in bold enough. I have used a phycologist twice in my life.

The funniest thing I found out about it, is at first you think "how can any of this make a difference.. it's just talking and listening and a few other things". Then after a few sessions a newfound clarity comes in and things start to make sense.

In the woman I see's case, she's explained the reasons behind why the body reacts in certain ways, and how parts of my brain and personality might work different to others, and how I can help retrain and work with things.

A big thing I've taken from it all, is "don't sweat the small things", and allocation of time.. "is it really worth getting stressed/worried/upset/annoyed/angry/arguementative over this scenario, or is it really just wasting time instead of coming up with a solution/getting on with things/relaxing/walking away for 5 minutes".

One thing she mentioned to me "its better to spend 5 minutes walking away from something, or taking a moment to wind down and distance yourself, than 5 minutes stressing/working yourself into a state over something".

Something so simple, and yet so effective.

As she was saying to me. The more you get control over your stress and anxieties, the more relaxed in general you'll be.

 

[Flanagun]

Aye can relate to a few things you saying, remember sometimes you just need to reset yourself could be as simple as grabbing a beer/ coffee what ever and just sitting with your feet in the water .or even if getting up is a struggle have a stretch and a deep breath grab some tunes and drift off give your brain a break for 15minutes. Find something that you enjoy doing and reward yourself a little .
Or if you got the time and money jump on a plane and go away for a weekend totally unexpected can be kind of cheap and get to see something you normally don't

Yeah, I really do need to try and get more involved in things. I have enough money to get by, but can’t really afford a holiday at the moment...and I need to try and do social stuff a bit more I guess. I usually just get lost in reading and writing, but at times like this, I find it hard to focus. Haha.

Just a really flat time. I have a few things coming up and should be a lot busier in a month or so. I’m sure that will help.

 

[Flanagun]

Careful... that's how it starts and before you know if you're being taken advantage of and expected to be on call all the time.


@utility half Can I ask .... do you have a really small circle of friends, or like more accquaintances than friends?

If so, between you, Southy, and Hacky, you're sounding like me in my situation.

Most of you guys hear about my fall from grace and relapse in mental health (thanks to an arsehole ex employer). In the end I ended up speaking to a doctor about my mental health (I'd had issues in the past with it). They referred me to a clinical psychologist who I have been seeing for the past almost 12 months now (whilst in between jobs).

HANDS DOWN - Best thing I have ever done AND ... you get 10 free sessions with Medicare.

Okay so it doesn't resolve the VERY real financial stress, but it's made me view life (and how I live it) in a different way. In addition to this, it's making me a better, stronger person.

With my grandfather passing away recently, he showed even on his death bed fight, determination and strength I have never seen.

It's made me realise if he can take on the unfightable, then there's no excuse for me not to be able to channel inner strength and reach my desired goals in life.

.....

So ... if you are struggling, talk to your doctor about your mental health, and take advantage of the options you have to get free sessions with a Clinical Psych.

Yeah I guess so. I have a pretty broad circle of people I’m friendly with, but only a few really close friends and they are kinda scattered all over the place these days, haha.

So glad psychology has helped you man. I’ve been to many psychologists over the years...some have helped, some not so much..... I think my last one had an intellectual crush on me or something... kept telling me how fascinating my mind was and stuff haha. I’m pretty cynical but articulate in identifying and voicing my problems I guess.

I think I really need to change things from an environmental POV... I don’t need a professional so much as I need more things to do....but a good psychologist or therapist can help, for sure. Glad taking that option has helped you so much

 

[Flanagun]

Another thing to do (and it may sound really dumb)...

Go for a run... exercise releases endorphins, which in turn boosts SSRI inhibitors in the brain (apparently), thus improving your mood.

I've got two apps on my phone (free and well worth getting):
CBTDiary - Never used, but just in case I need to work something out and get stuck.
Breath2Relax - An app that you setup, and helps guide you to control your breathing and calm right down.


Do you mean shouldn't.. I find driving strangely calming (well at least outside of when you're flogging around a racetrack having fun).


The funniest thing I found out about it, is at first you think "how can any of this make a difference.. it's just talking and listening and a few other things". Then after a few sessions a newfound clarity comes in and things start to make sense.

In the woman I see's case, she's explained the reasons behind why the body reacts in certain ways, and how parts of my brain and personality might work different to others, and how I can help retrain and work with things.

A big thing I've taken from it all, is "don't sweat the small things", and allocation of time.. "is it really worth getting stressed/worried/upset/annoyed/angry/arguementative over this scenario, or is it really just wasting time instead of coming up with a solution/getting on with things/relaxing/walking away for 5 minutes".

One thing she mentioned to me "its better to spend 5 minutes walking away from something, or taking a moment to wind down and distance yourself, than 5 minutes stressing/working yourself into a state over something".

Something so simple, and yet so effective.

As she was saying to me. The more you get control over your stress and anxieties, the more relaxed in general you'll be.

Yeah, I walk a bit, but don’t really exercise well enough and lately I’m eating like shit, too. Also things I need to try and change.

 

[south of heaven]

Yeah, I walk a bit, but don’t really exercise well enough and lately I’m eating like shit, too. Also things I need to try and change.

Foods and stuff help get on the carrot celery ginger apple tumeric juice , good morning kick .
Getting in the winter months nothing more comforting then having the slow cooker on and a nice meal to warm the belly , cheap shit cuts of meat few spices boom soup stew whatever you want kick back with a good book simple things can change the mindset

 

[CroydonDog]

Foods and stuff help get on the carrot celery ginger apple tumeric juice , good morning kick .
Getting in the winter months nothing more comforting then having the slow cooker on and a nice meal to warm the belly , cheap shit cuts of meat few spices boom soup stew whatever you want kick back with a good book simple things can change the mindset

Is Rum a food?

 

[Hacky McAxe]

Is Rum a food?

Yep. But after a few days of rum diet you may end up with skurvy

 

[Hacky McAxe]

That's the problem with us guys. We don't nag the women back enough. I bet if you told her all this when you got home she wouldn't have given you a hard time. You should've told her, "Here's $20, go buy yourself dinner" then hit the sack.

Dude... is it your responsibility to make dinner?

Yep. She can't cook.

 

[Hacky McAxe]

Another bloody long day. After fielding phone calls up until about 9pm I turned my phone off.

Fuck em. Someone else's problem.

 

[Flanagun]

Yep. She can't cook.

Neither can I... would you mind popping round and hooking me up with some dinner? I know you’re tired and all, but come on... get off your lazy arse, fucker!

 

[Flanagun]

Another bloody long day. After fielding phone calls up until about 9pm I turned my phone off.

Fuck em. Someone else's problem.

Neither can I... would you mind popping round and hooking me up with some dinner? I know you’re tired and all, but come on... get off your lazy arse, fucker!

What I meant to say was... sorry you had such a rough day, honey! Can I fetch your slippers?

See, totally worth cooking for me. You’ll get no sex, but I’ll call you honey and fetch your slippers for a good feed. As long as you’re at least Masterchef top 20 quality....

 

[Mr Invisible]

Another bloody long day. After fielding phone calls up until about 9pm I turned my phone off. Fuck em. Someone else's problem.

Mate, be very careful. That's how it started for me (except it was the company Directors). Then I'd get calls from them at all hours (6AM - 11PM), even on weekends if they had problems. If I didn't pick up I got torn a new one.

Then because it was okay for them, they let other staff call outside of my working hours too. If my work phone was off, the Director would give them my personal mobile to call me, and if I didn't take the call I'd get reamed for that as well.

Then eventually came the workplace harassment and bullying. I'm glad to see that place slowly but surely go arse up (it's still around but scaled back and pretty much sacked all their staff), in order to cut costs.

Neither can I... would you mind popping round and hooking me up with some dinner? I know you’re tired and all, but come on... get off your lazy arse, fucker!

I cannot cook (can BBQ though).. however the godsend for me is our Delonghi Air Fryer (and that my wife can cook well).

Chicken/Fish Pieces: Grab, chuck in, turn knob to fan, set time to 20 minutes, problem solved (and the kitchen doesn't get burned down). Chuck in some microwaved veges, MEAL DONE.

Pizza: Chuck in, set to Pizza setting, add more toppings, set time to like 20 minutes, problem solved.

Wedges: Cut up potatoes, chuck in, set to chip setting, season, set time to like 35 minutes, add oil, add paddle, problem solved.

I can turn on an oven and shit, but that's about my limits.

We've got this bad boy: http://www.delonghi.com/en-au/produ...-and-multicooker/extra-chef-fh1394-0125394039

 

[Hacky McAxe]

What I meant to say was... sorry you had such a rough day, honey! Can I fetch your slippers?

See, totally worth cooking for me. You’ll get no sex, but I’ll call you honey and fetch your slippers for a good feed. As long as you’re at least Masterchef top 20 quality....

Masterchef?

I wouldn't stoop so low. Those plebs couldn't cook their way out of a bag of flour.

 

[Hacky McAxe]

Mate, be very careful. That's how it started for me (except it was the company Directors). Then I'd get calls from them at all hours (6AM - 11PM), even on weekends if they had problems. If I didn't pick up I got torn a new one.

Then because it was okay for them, they let other staff call outside of my working hours too. If my work phone was off, the Director would give them my personal mobile to call me, and if I didn't take the call I'd get reamed for that as well.

Then eventually came the workplace harassment and bullying. I'm glad to see that place slowly but surely go arse up (it's still around but scaled back and pretty much sacked all their staff), in order to cut costs.

Won't be my problem my longer. I'm carrying 4 different roles right now because of resignations and people going on leave. Fortunately the boss doesn't want me doing this. It's only out of necessity. He wants me focused purely on my role which doesn't involve answering phone calls at 3am or spending all night fixing up technical issues.

When people get back from leave then I'm basically only allowed to focus on my role which is effectively me being my own boss.

I cannot cook (can BBQ though).. however the godsend for me is our Delonghi Air Fryer (and that my wife can cook well).

Chicken/Fish Pieces: Grab, chuck in, turn knob to fan, set time to 20 minutes, problem solved (and the kitchen doesn't get burned down). Chuck in some microwaved veges, MEAL DONE.

Pizza: Chuck in, set to Pizza setting, add more toppings, set time to like 20 minutes, problem solved.

Wedges: Cut up potatoes, chuck in, set to chip setting, season, set time to like 35 minutes, add oil, add paddle, problem solved.

I can turn on an oven and shit, but that's about my limits.

We've got this bad boy: http://www.delonghi.com/en-au/produ...-and-multicooker/extra-chef-fh1394-0125394039

The Mrs bought an air fryer the other day. I thought I'd hate it but it's actually pretty good and stupidly easy enough that even the Mrs could use it. She hasn't used it yet but that's another story.

So far I've only cooked so pumpkin, sweet potato fries, charred capsicum and blooming onion but it all worked out pretty well. Except the charred capsicum. Works out better on a grill then oven but still worked out well enough.

Our one is a $69 kmart brand. Cheap as shit and will probably break in a few weeks but works great. Then again, we have a kmart slow cooker that we bought about 10 years ago and it's still going strong.

 

[Mr Invisible]

Won't be my problem my longer. I'm carrying 4 different roles right now because of resignations and people going on leave. Fortunately the boss doesn't want me doing this. It's only out of necessity. He wants me focused purely on my role which doesn't involve answering phone calls at 3am or spending all night fixing up technical issues.

When people get back from leave then I'm basically only allowed to focus on my role which is effectively me being my own boss.

Yeah just be careful. Resignations/people leaving means more workload for everyone. Hopefully it settles down and you don't get expected to work overtime and be on call. That's the danger that can happen.

Whatever my next role is, it'll either be strict 0 overtime/on call, or I'll be the one stipulating it's terms.

 

[bcmf]

Fucking struggling with a break up. Like really fucking struggling.

Nothing seems to be going right in my life. Career seems to be stagnant. Friends are limited. Thought I could always come back to my girl but now I feel I have nothing.

 

[Mr Invisible]

Fucking struggling with a break up. Like really fucking struggling.

Nothing seems to be going right in my life. Career seems to be stagnant. Friends are limited. Thought I could always come back to my girl but now I feel I have nothing.

@bcmf Ahhhh mate.. Really sorry to hear this. if you want to talk privately about it, feel free to hit me up via a Conversation.

How long were you and her together? Any kids involved? How old are you both? What Happened? ... if you don't mind me asking.

Sometimes things just don't work out, but it's better to know early and be able to move on, than to try and push on through only to waste years.

I'm hearing you on career front, I'm kinda like it myself at the moment but trying to not let it get to me.
Also hearing you on the friends front.

In all honesty mate, if you do not feel you are coping psychologically, head in and speak to your local GP (or a GP at your local medial centre if you don't have one).
They can put you on a Mental Health Plan, whereby 10 sessions are covered for free under Medicare with a Clinical Psychologist (who can organise prescriptions if you need). If 10 sessions aren't enough, they (GP) can organise another 10 after it.

Hope those overcast days clear for you mate, but if not I'm always happy to be an open ear if you need it.

 

[Alan79]

Fucking struggling with a break up. Like really fucking struggling.

Nothing seems to be going right in my life. Career seems to be stagnant. Friends are limited. Thought I could always come back to my girl but now I feel I have nothing.

I hope things start looking up for you soon bcmf. If you feel dark thoughts creeping in, remember that there are people you can call 24/7 at lifeline and a few other organizations. It's never easy dealing with a break up that wasn't your idea. But there are people you can talk to when you need to.