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The "R U OK ?" Thread

Greenmachine121

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They brought Lingerie Football League to Australia. Then the Australian women said, "we're not playing in Lingerie, make it a real sport", then the American women said, "damn right! No more Lingerie"

And now it doesn't exist any more. They've changed the name to "Legends Football League" and they stopped playing in Lingerie.

And I'm sure this is completely unrelated but.. Everyone stopped watchin it.
I saw a porno once where they girls played poker and if they lost their buyin they had to perform sex acts on the remaining players …. Hot stuff … should make that a sport for them
 

SPEARTAKVIDREFS

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This year wasnt as bad as some previous years. Either last year or the year before I really struggled. Its only Xmas time I go through this.
Some may say setting oneself up for it, for me its not the case.
Anxiety, depression, panic attacks (not that Ive had 1 for a while) arnt things you can easily dismiss or even explain adequately.
This time of year I struggle with commercialism, loads of people, traffic when Im a bit anxious. I probably look at certain things in the wrong light. Im aware of it.
But on the whole, its deeper than that which go's back years which I wont get into.
So preparation.
I dont talk about it with people that dont need to know. I'll tell the wife if Im not traveling well and 1 of my sisters I talk to about it if I need to and thats it.
I dont drink and or drug so no chilling out there.
2021 I took some time off October, that helped.
I tried to set time aside these last 2 weeks, a day here and there, fishing etc. for myself but that didnt eventuate.
A birthday for someone close just after Xmas which I needed to be 'present' for and help out with. It was a good night.
Social gatherings when I dont want to be there especially people I dont know. I wont say Ill be there knowing I wont show, just doesnt sit right with me. I usually try and have an out ie, I'll go, hopefully all will be sweet, if I need to leave than so be it. Also I really do want to enjoy myself but sometimes I just dont, the head fucks me up so why beat myself up about it, I can leave.

Anyway its all over and a weight has been lifted.
Next Xmas Im thinking I will spend with my immediate family (cant remember the last xmas we had together) and its an interstate trip so holiday. If not go overseas if the wife wants to for that period regardless of cost and if I feel its safe to do so by then.
Anyways, just some of the things I try and do this time of year to get through. No-one here knows who I am so its ok to divulge. I know not everyone always enjoys the silly season so if anyone gets anything out of my ramblings than great.
 

ASSASSIN

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This year wasnt as bad as some previous years. Either last year or the year before I really struggled. Its only Xmas time I go through this.
Some may say setting oneself up for it, for me its not the case.
Anxiety, depression, panic attacks (not that Ive had 1 for a while) arnt things you can easily dismiss or even explain adequately.
This time of year I struggle with commercialism, loads of people, traffic when Im a bit anxious. I probably look at certain things in the wrong light. Im aware of it.
But on the whole, its deeper than that which go's back years which I wont get into.
So preparation.
I dont talk about it with people that dont need to know. I'll tell the wife if Im not traveling well and 1 of my sisters I talk to about it if I need to and thats it.
I dont drink and or drug so no chilling out there.
2021 I took some time off October, that helped.
I tried to set time aside these last 2 weeks, a day here and there, fishing etc. for myself but that didnt eventuate.
A birthday for someone close just after Xmas which I needed to be 'present' for and help out with. It was a good night.
Social gatherings when I dont want to be there especially people I dont know. I wont say Ill be there knowing I wont show, just doesnt sit right with me. I usually try and have an out ie, I'll go, hopefully all will be sweet, if I need to leave than so be it. Also I really do want to enjoy myself but sometimes I just dont, the head fucks me up so why beat myself up about it, I can leave.

Anyway its all over and a weight has been lifted.
Next Xmas Im thinking I will spend with my immediate family (cant remember the last xmas we had together) and its an interstate trip so holiday. If not go overseas if the wife wants to for that period regardless of cost and if I feel its safe to do so by then.
Anyways, just some of the things I try and do this time of year to get through. No-one here knows who I am so its ok to divulge. I know not everyone always enjoys the silly season so if anyone gets anything out of my ramblings than great.
We are here for you bro in this judgement free zone.

We are the Bulldogs family and we look out for our own.
 

SPEARTAKVIDREFS

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We are here for you bro in this judgement free zone.

We are the Bulldogs family and we look out for our own.
Cheers Assassin.
The good thing about this particular thread is that whatevers said in other threads, those we may not agree with or some that shit us to tears and visa versa, this thread is respectfully kept as a place for everyone to talk openly when having a shitty day or unfortunatley alot worse some times.
Hats off to you mate for starting this thread and everyone else that participates in it.
 

ASSASSIN

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Cheers Assassin.
The good thing about this particular thread is that whatevers said in other threads, those we may not agree with or some that shit us to tears and visa versa, this thread is respectfully kept as a place for everyone to talk openly when having a shitty day or unfortunatley alot worse some times.
Hats off to you mate for starting this thread and everyone else that participates in it.
I can't take credit my bro, this was @south of heaven's original idea.

Southy helped me out and I'm just paying it forward.

An internet chat with friends can really do wonders sometimes...
 

KambahOne

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Well if this latest holiday break has taught me anything it's that I'm not cut out to be a carer.

We had my mother with us for a few weeks and she has dementia and while it is a absolute **** of a disease, I cannot come to terms with the shambling, stuttering, perpetually scared creature it has turned my mother into. All my life she was a pillar of strength and independence and fearlessness when it came to her family, but now, she can't go two days without soiling herself.

Is it bad I'm looking up the assisted dying laws in NSW? I can't stand thinking of her in this state.

I knew she had it, but it'd been a while since we saw her last, COVID restrictions and all, the memory and functional deterioration is far worse than I remember. I want to talk to my wife about how I'm feeling, but how do you tell someone you love you're thinking someone you love would be better off dead? I know she sees it, but still.

Fark this decade in it's hairy goat arse! If I wasn't retiring soon, I'd do a Dysney and wake me in 2030.
 

Alan79

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Well if this latest holiday break has taught me anything it's that I'm not cut out to be a carer.

We had my mother with us for a few weeks and she has dementia and while it is a absolute **** of a disease, I cannot come to terms with the shambling, stuttering, perpetually scared creature it has turned my mother into. All my life she was a pillar of strength and independence and fearlessness when it came to her family, but now, she can't go two days without soiling herself.

Is it bad I'm looking up the assisted dying laws in NSW? I can't stand thinking of her in this state.

I knew she had it, but it'd been a while since we saw her last, COVID restrictions and all, the memory and functional deterioration is far worse than I remember. I want to talk to my wife about how I'm feeling, but how do you tell someone you love you're thinking someone you love would be better off dead? I know she sees it, but still.

Fark this decade in it's hairy goat arse! If I wasn't retiring soon, I'd do a Dysney and wake me in 2030.
I understand your thinking. I work in aged care and I am very much of the opinion that I'd like to be gone by the time my mobility declines, let alone my mental health and memory. Quality of life is a big part of considering whether you should be here or not.
 

ASSASSIN

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I understand your thinking. I work in aged care and I am very much of the opinion that I'd like to be gone by the time my mobility declines, let alone my mental health and memory. Quality of life is a big part of considering whether you should be here or not.
I always said the day I can't look after myself then give me the grave.
 

Alan79

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Rubbish..:rage:
I have to say that I admire your mental strength. I see a lot of the elderly give up as soon as they lose the ability to get around the nursing home without help. There's a lady that's almost lost her sight that told me she hopes she doesn't last much longer. And a lot of the residents see friends lose their memory and it's a scary thing for them too. So I know that it probably sounds offensive to hear people say that they want their tie to be over when they hit a certain point with loss of their faculties. I guess that it's hard to know how much you value your life until these things happen to you.
 

Mr 95%

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I have to say that I admire your mental strength. I see a lot of the elderly give up as soon as they lose the ability to get around the nursing home without help. There's a lady that's almost lost her sight that told me she hopes she doesn't last much longer. And a lot of the residents see friends lose their memory and it's a scary thing for them too. So I know that it probably sounds offensive to hear people say that they want their tie to be over when they hit a certain point with loss of their faculties. I guess that it's hard to know how much you value your life until these things happen to you.
I have no choice my man.. buit be honest it’s not always the case!
 
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ASSASSIN

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Rubbish..:rage:
Yeah it's rubbish.

Im Not used to being looked after, I need to look after people.

I even changed my own sheets when in in hospital

The nurses lose it because I'm moving with 3 or 4 drips in my neck but fuck letting them do it with more important things to do.

I feel like a scumbag letting them do it.
 

ASSASSIN

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You’d keep going brother..udon’t die a hundred times without wanting to live!!
Yeah I'm a stubborn **** lol

Na, I figured out God doesn't want me, the devil can't handle me, so I'm stuck here with you humans lol
 

wendog33

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Well if this latest holiday break has taught me anything it's that I'm not cut out to be a carer.

We had my mother with us for a few weeks and she has dementia and while it is a absolute **** of a disease, I cannot come to terms with the shambling, stuttering, perpetually scared creature it has turned my mother into. All my life she was a pillar of strength and independence and fearlessness when it came to her family, but now, she can't go two days without soiling herself.

Is it bad I'm looking up the assisted dying laws in NSW? I can't stand thinking of her in this state.

I knew she had it, but it'd been a while since we saw her last, COVID restrictions and all, the memory and functional deterioration is far worse than I remember. I want to talk to my wife about how I'm feeling, but how do you tell someone you love you're thinking someone you love would be better off dead? I know she sees it, but still.

Fark this decade in it's hairy goat arse! If I wasn't retiring soon, I'd do a Dysney and wake me in 2030.
Had exactly the same experience with my mother to a tee.

It's a very cruel ailment and to see your parent crumble from that rock you hold in your heart, is heartbreaking. But they really are still in your heart. Haven't left in that sense.

It's mind numbingly emotional and sad as you first get used to this new reality but you do get the time to transition into the acceptance that this is the new reality for your Mum.

Then you phase out of the depression into the phase that now it's your turn to care for her. The tables will have turned and your concerns will be for her health and happiness and to make her as comfortable as possible in her little world.

When you can provide that, I'm sure it will help you come to terms with the loss of the physicality of that person who raised you.


It took me some time to understand what was happening to my Mum. She was acting odd. Did weird stuff. Couldn't do simple routine tasks at times. I would get frustrated and even impatient but I had never had any experience of understanding dementia.

I didn't even consider for a moment that was the reason why. I found out she had it for a while and had been hiding it. They can do that by just pausing when you ask a question....you find yourself answering it for them. There's lots of other little tricks. "Oh yes that's right" when you remind them of something in conversation.



I went to see her doctor and he told me "your mother has had dementia for a few years now" I was gobsmacked that I had so stupidly dismissed all the signs he described. My brother was even living with her and didn't pick it up sufficiently.

I found the guilt terrible, especially when/if the time comes to move to aging in care, but I tried to make peace with myself by getting her the best care possible, outings, visits most days even if for short pop ins and as she went further down, I visited every day and cared myself for her until eventually she required 2 person professional help.

That lady you love is still there and there will be many loving surprises and revelations to come on this new phase of your life together as you comfort her. You can still have a very meaningful time together but very different from what you've known in the past.

All the best.
 

KambahOne

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Had exactly the same experience with my mother to a tee.

It's a very cruel ailment and to see your parent crumble from that rock you hold in your heart, is heartbreaking. But they really are still in your heart. Haven't left in that sense.

It's mind numbingly emotional and sad as you first get used to this new reality but you do get the time to transition into the acceptance that this is the new reality for your Mum.

Then you phase out of the depression into the phase that now it's your turn to care for her. The tables will have turned and your concerns will be for her health and happiness and to make her as comfortable as possible in her little world.

When you can provide that, I'm sure it will help you come to terms with the loss of the physicality of that person who raised you.


It took me some time to understand what was happening to my Mum. She was acting odd. Did weird stuff. Couldn't do simple routine tasks at times. I would get frustrated and even impatient but I had never had any experience of understanding dementia.

I didn't even consider for a moment that was the reason why. I found out she had it for a while and had been hiding it. They can do that by just pausing when you ask a question....you find yourself answering it for them. There's lots of other little tricks. "Oh yes that's right" when you remind them of something in conversation.



I went to see her doctor and he told me "your mother has had dementia for a few years now" I was gobsmacked that I had so stupidly dismissed all the signs he described. My brother was even living with her and didn't pick it up sufficiently.

I found the guilt terrible, especially when/if the time comes to move to aging in care, but I tried to make peace with myself by getting her the best care possible, outings, visits most days even if for short pop ins and as she went further down, I visited every day and cared myself for her until eventually she required 2 person professional help.

That lady you love is still there and there will be many loving surprises and revelations to come on this new phase of your life together as you comfort her. You can still have a very meaningful time together but very different from what you've known in the past.

All the best.
Thank you for that, its good to hear from someone who's been through this. I'm not looking forward to trying to convince her she needs to go into a home, that will be a shit fight for the ages. Anyway, all the best to your mum as well.
 

wendog33

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Thank you for that, its good to hear from someone who's been through this. I'm not looking forward to trying to convince her she needs to go into a home, that will be a shit fight for the ages. Anyway, all the best to your mum as well.
Thank you too for sharing your experience. None of us are prepared for these moments in our lives and changing pathways. Speaking about our troubles, which can happen to anyone, no matter their circumstances, can help everyone be more compassionate and understanding of both the parents experiences and ourselves.

Mum passed on 3 years ago and I am so thankful she was a happy dementia sufferer. So many go the other way and get agitated and aggressive. Poor souls can't help it of course.

Mum was lucky in that sense at least.

The whole aging in care and selling the family home is a trauma in itself. Be patient. We had selfish family input and resistance, tho not prepared to help in the care process. Mum confused and resisting. Didnt want to move to Qld away from friends etc but they were elderly themselves.

We did get her to go a few times to try 1 week respite visits. She loved it. (Dr said must be 1 week at least to ease into the changed routine for her). Eventually I was able to find her a place near me in Qld, after every other family "expert" lost interest and realised I wasn't going to get her to change her will lol.

Anyway eventually all the obstacles must be faced and dealt with. Just keep your head and let your Mum's best interests be your guiding principal.

It will all work out :grinning:
 

dogluva

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Well if this latest holiday break has taught me anything it's that I'm not cut out to be a carer.

We had my mother with us for a few weeks and she has dementia and while it is a absolute **** of a disease, I cannot come to terms with the shambling, stuttering, perpetually scared creature it has turned my mother into. All my life she was a pillar of strength and independence and fearlessness when it came to her family, but now, she can't go two days without soiling herself.

Is it bad I'm looking up the assisted dying laws in NSW? I can't stand thinking of her in this state.

I knew she had it, but it'd been a while since we saw her last, COVID restrictions and all, the memory and functional deterioration is far worse than I remember. I want to talk to my wife about how I'm feeling, but how do you tell someone you love you're thinking someone you love would be better off dead? I know she sees it, but still.

Fark this decade in it's hairy goat arse! If I wasn't retiring soon, I'd do a Dysney and wake me in 2030.
I feel for you Kambah. There is nothing worse in this world than watching the deterioration of one of your loved ones into that deep well of hopelessness which is dementia. It is like watching a light slowly go out , the faculties dimming and disappearing whilst the loved one struggles with the indignity of it all. I know what it is like to see a once vibrant and intelligent person withdraw from the world bit by bit whilst you stand by just as helpless and clueless as they are. One time when my Dad was in hospital after an episode, lying in an unconscious state I held his hand and told him that it was all okay if he let go and exit this world in a more graceful way in which he was existing in it. We did lose him a year or two after that and this NYE past would have been his 100th birthday if he had lived. Never once did I not tel him that I loved him and I never begrudged having to
Don't think poorly of yourself in thinking of the assisted dying route as you yourself feel that the person is better off not having to slowly and inevitably disappear from this world bit by bit.
If your wife is the person that I think she is ( who could live with someone who supports the Roosters unless they truly and unconditionally care)she will pretty much be on the same page as you and would not think any less of you for the thoughts you are having. You obviously love her and don't want to see her as she as now....memories of the past when the person is fully cognitive are more comforting for us...

Talk it over and hang in there...
 
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