The Lame Joke Thread

[Bad Billy]

Well my kiwi hearts not working well so you may be onto something lol

It’s just “taking a break bro”

 

[Boxer]

If Y-E-S spells yes what does E-Y-E-S spell?

Bet you didn’t say eyes

 

[Wahesh]

If Y-E-S spells yes what does E-Y-E-S spell?

Bet you didn’t say eyes

You're @Boxer - it sounds like this...

 

[Wahesh]

Des Hasler

There we go .. lamest joke in the entire thread

Des wasn't a joke, he was a myth that was exposed. Now the entire world knows it.

LOL @ Desmond.

 

[The DoggFather]

Des wasn't a joke, he was a myth that was exposed. Now the entire world knows it.

LOL @ Desmond.

Exactly, that's why he hasn't got a job

 

[Bad Billy]

Des wasn't a joke, he was a myth that was exposed. Now the entire world knows it.

LOL @ Desmond.

Exactly, that's why he hasn't got a job

If I can take anything out of the last 5 years, it’s the fact that what he did here, exposed him and now he’s unemployable.

 

[Mr Invisible]

Time to bump this badboy...
@south of heaven @Wahesh @K E @ASSASSIN @Bad Billy @Hacky McAxe @Realist90

#1. I considered donating money to the Royal Blind Society, and then I realised they'll never see any of it regardless.
#2. My wife and I just made love for 1hr and 2 minutes a few weeks ago.. THANKS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS!
#3. Did you know you can't spell ADVERTISEMENTS without semen between the tits.
#4. Did you hear about the Pedophile Olympic Sprinter, he was constantly last because he liked to come in a little behind.
#5. Apparently I snore so loudly I scare everyone in the car I'm driving.
#6. I was trying to decide on the best outfit to wear for my first Premature Ejaculators Anonymous Meeting.... after much deliberation I couldn't make my mind up so decided to just come in my pants.

 

[Hacky McAxe]

Number 5 reminds me of the old:

"mummy, mummy. Why are we pushing this car off a cliff?"

"shut up son or you'll wake your father"

 

[Hacky McAxe]

Btw, if you're going to buy a sex doll, buy a Muslim one. They blow themselves up.

 

[The DoggFather]

Bahahahahahahaha i miss this thread.

Keep em coming (that's what she said)

 

[K E]

Btw, if you're going to buy a sex doll, buy a Muslim one. They blow themselves up.

I guess she didn't know what jihad....

 

[The DoggFather]

I guess she didn't know what jihad....

A Jewish blow up doll...

 

[Wahesh]

Why does the keyboard works 24 hours? Because, it has two shifts

 

[Mr 95%]

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline ...

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no one will answer.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your Mother's maiden name.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

 

[Wahesh]

So there was this slightly introverted high school student who had never asked a girl to a dance. It’s his senior year and he feels that he should go to prom. So he musters up the courage and asks one of his friends. She says yes. Now he has to prepare for the dance. The next day, he goes to buy his tickets, and there is a huge line. So he waits, and waits, and waits, then he finally gets the tickets. The next day, he goes with his date to go get a dress. When they get to the store, there is a huge line going out the door. So the wait, they wait, and they wait. Finally, they get to the front and buy a dress. After this, they go to men’s warehouse to get him a suit for the dance, and there is a huge line going out the door. So they wait, wait, and wait. Finally they get in and buy a nice suit. The next day, he remembers that he needs to order a corsage. So he goes to the local store and there is a huge line. So he waits, waits, and waits until he gets his order in. Now it’s the day before prom and he wakes up and realizes that he forgot to order a limo, so he calls up the limo rental place. All the lines are busy so he decides to go into the place. When he gets there, he sees the line stretching out the door and around the corner. So he waits, and waits, and waits, until finally he was lucky enough to get the very last limo. So now it’s the night of the dance and when they get to the prom, the school is doing mandatory drug testing, so there is a huge line getting into the prom. So the wait, wait, and wait. Finally they get to the front and they both pass their drug tests. Now the dance was going pretty good for about a half an hour, until he really, really had to go to the bathroom. So he takes off to go, and he sees this huge line going out of the bathroom. He waits, waits, and waits until he finally takes care of his business. When he comes out of the bathroom, he notices that a crowd has formed around his date. She had just randomly passed out. Someone says to him, “hey, you’re her date, go get her some punch.” So he goes over to the punch table and thank god, there is no punch line.

 

[K E]

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline ...

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no one will answer.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your Mother's maiden name.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

Hahahahaha. I shouldn't laugh but, damn, that was good.

 

[The DoggFather]

The funniest joke Family Guyhave come up with...

 

[Realist90]

Number 5 reminds me of the old:

"mummy, mummy. Why are we pushing this car off a cliff?"

"shut up son or you'll wake your father"

How the duck is a female going to even know how to put the car in neutral and then put the hand brake down? And then physically push the car off a cliff? Fake news

 

[The DoggFather]

How the duck is a female going to even know how to put the car in neutral and then put the hand brake down? And then physically push the car off a cliff? Fake news

Derr, the boy did it himself while the female was whinging and posting selfies.

 

[Hacky McAxe]

How the duck is a female going to even know how to put the car in neutral and then put the hand brake down? And then physically push the car off a cliff? Fake news

'cause she used to be a man