The Lame Joke Thread

[Mr Invisible]

What do you call a drunk skier? Piste
What do you call an angry skier? Piste Off

 

[speedy2460]

It depends on how well the bomb was built. If a lot of U8 and Pu9 remains the half-life is going to be significant, in the order of 30000 years. But if it all fissions the progeny have drastically shorter half-lives, 300 odd years for the worst a couple of minutes for the best.

Japan was bombed and almost totally destroyed by an atomic bomb. Now, 60 odd years later, its been rebuilt and there is no sign of radiation.

 

[Bad Billy]

Japan was bombed and almost totally destroyed by an atomic bomb. Now, 60 odd years later, its been rebuilt and there is no sign of radiation.

That’s how fission explosions are supposed to work.
BTW, there is plenty of detectable radiation in those areas, just not enough to be considered a health risk.

 

[K E]

Oh, my agod.

 

[Canis Maximus]

What do you call a drunk skier? Piste
What do you call an angry skier? Piste Off

OMG - that is lame - lol.

So what do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.......

And what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.....

 

[Bull Terrier]

What’s the difference between a Rooster and Marilyn Monroe
A Rooster goes cock a doodle do,,,, Marilyn Monroe goes any cock I’ll do,,

 

[Hacky McAxe]

Japan was bombed and almost totally destroyed by an atomic bomb. Now, 60 odd years later, its been rebuilt and there is no sign of radiation.

Wasn't really Japan that was almost totally destroyed. Just two cities in Japan.

 

[Moedogg]

Before showing his doctor what his problem was, Bob asked him if he had ever laughed out loud at one of his patients...

The doc assures Bob that during his 20 plus years in practice he has never laughed out loud at one of his patients.

Relieved by the doctor's response Bob drops his pants, and reveals the tiniest dick the doc had ever seen. (It was no bigger than a AAA battery.)

The doc burst into uncontrollable laughter and needs a minute to gather himself, and says: "I'm very sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me. This will never happen again. So what seems to be the problem?"

BOB: "It's swollen!"

 

[Wahesh]

Before showing his doctor what his problem was, Bob asked him if he had ever laughed out loud at one of his patients...

The doc assures Bob that during his 20 plus years in practice he has never laughed out loud at one of his patients.

Relieved by the doctor's response Bob drops his pants, and reveals the tiniest dick the doc had ever seen. (It was no bigger than a AAA battery.)

The doc burst into uncontrollable laughter and needs a minute to gather himself, and says: "I'm very sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me. This will never happen again. So what seems to be the problem?"

BOB: "It's swollen!"

Still bigger than mine...

 

[Sandra's Bollocks]

I threw my wife a surprise Bukkake party for her birthday.

You should have seen her face.

 

[Sandra's Bollocks]

What's a 6.9?

A good time interrupted by a period.

 

[Wahesh]

Have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower? That’s because he hides well.

 

[Squash the Berries!]

Horse and sheep walk into a bar ouch! Barman asks are you ok? Horse says neigh! Barman asks horse what can I get you? horse replies hey! Barman says what can I get you? Horse says he’s wants a fast ride. Barman says it’s a cold night, sheep says he is ok as he has his woollens on. Barman says to horse, why the long face? You look like you have your tail between your legs. Sheep says don’t worry he is a baaastard. Horse rears up and bolts. Sheep follows him out.

 

[Squash the Berries!]

How do you fit 4 elephants in a mini? 2 in the front and 2 in the back.

 

[The DoggFather]

How is a whore like KFC?

After you finish with the breasts and thighs, you have a greasy box to stick your bone in.

 

[Wahesh]

How is a whore like KFC?

After you finish with the breasts and thighs, you have a greasy box to stick your bone in.

BWAHAHAHAHA you filthy kent lol

 

[Bob dog]

Is it ok to like watching women's tennis because of the noises they make?

 

[Dogsville]

how do you know when its time for bed at Michael Jackson Ranch?
When the big hand touches the little hand

 

[Mr Invisible]

If trans fats were people, what gender would they identify as?

 

[Dogsville]

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.