Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it.

Eventually she came round.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call an angry doctor.

A Therapissed.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Some people always need their opinions validated.

Am I right ?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Diet diary, Day one : Have just removed all the fattening food from the house..

…and it was so delicious.

 

[KakkaDog]

To the bloke who broke in and stole my Windows software.

I will find you; you have my Word.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife dated a clown before she started going out with me.

I had some pretty big shoes to fill.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My son just became a priest!

From now on he wants me to call him father.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

To the person who stole my selfie stick...

You need to take a long look at yourself.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife says I'm getting fat, but in my defence...

I’ve had a lot on my plate recently.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I've opened a gym, where the instructors would go from door to door, to tell people about the benefits of joining it.

I’ve named it Jehovah’s Fitness

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My mum was a radiologist and met my dad when he came in for an X-Ray...

I always wondered what she saw in him...

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The World Lumberjack Championships has just finished.

It was won by tree fellers from Ireland.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I’ve made a film about a large jug.

It’s been nominated for Best Pitcher…

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Just finished reading a new book called “Falling off a cliff” by Eileen Dover.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate visitors.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Yesterday I went rock climbing and the guy above me kept farting.

It was by far the worst ass scent I’ve ever had to deal with.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What did Newton think when he discovered gravity?

Shit is about to go down.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I asked the hot dog seller, “Can I get a jumbo sausage?”

He said, “Sure, won’t be long.”

I said, “In that case, can I have two?”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

There's supposed to be a new time travel movie coming out next year.

It was pretty good.