Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I don’t always go the extra mile.

But when I do, it’s because I missed my exit.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Just started watching a documentary on clocks.

It’s about time.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

If you fear change, please pass it along to me. I accept coins of all denominations.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Attempted to exercise this morning.

Didn't work out.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

“Sell me fries, sell me sweet little fries.”

- Fleetwood McDonalds

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My local bank is installing an ATM in a tree. If it’s successful, they might expand to other branches.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I used to be able to do cartwheels.

Now I tip over putting my underwear on.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Bars need to do a sad hour with even cheaper drinks and everyone just acts cools if you cry.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

That awkward moment when you're running...And your boobs are bouncing all over the place.

And you're a 55 year old guy.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I had no plans today. My wife found out and boy did I have a lot of plans today I didn’t know about.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call an injury sustained in a pillow fight?

A concushion.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I just saw an ad for a wireless bra and I gotta be honest right now, I never even knew they needed to be plugged in.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What’s more impressive than a talking cat?

A spelling bee.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I don’t always whoomp.

But when I do, there it is.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I have a pharmacy joke, but it's going to be about 20 minutes.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

90% of being married is just shouting "What?" from other rooms.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm so jealous of people who know how to shut up.

I shut up and subtitles come out my face.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

One minute you're excited to be leaving work on Friday afternoon and the next it's Sunday evening and you're getting ready for work again...

These weekends need to SLOW DOWN.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Tried mixing Mexican alcohol with 20th century American literature last night.

Ended up with tequila mockingbird

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I have a number joke but it’s odd.