Dad jokes

It doesn't matter how old you are, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9 year old, who was given a $100.
 
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore.

When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that's a moray.
 
No one prepared me for the fact that as an adult, you have to figure out what you're going to eat everyday.
 
My dyslexic grandfather was a baker in the Army.

He used to go into battle with all buns glazing.
 
My earliest childhood memory was visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses.

Everything before that was a blur.
 
This morning, I accidentally changed the GPS Voice to “Male."

Now it just says, “It's around here somewhere. Keep driving."
 
I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes, but instead I accidentally get.. Well, you know...

Oreos.
 
Imagine going through a bad breakup in 1801.

And then Beethoven drops Moonlight Sonata.
 
It's amazing how music can transport you to another place.

For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I'm going to another restaurant.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top