Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

It doesn't matter how old you are, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9 year old, who was given a $100.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore.

When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that's a moray.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

No one prepared me for the fact that as an adult, you have to figure out what you're going to eat everyday.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My dyslexic grandfather was a baker in the Army.

He used to go into battle with all buns glazing.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call two dudes that love maths?

Algebros.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife was fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why should you never tell a taco a secret?

Because they always spill the beans.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I’m a yapper. I’m a napper.

I’m a midnight snacker.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My earliest childhood memory was visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses.

Everything before that was a blur.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I read a couple of my jokes to a mime today.

He was speechless.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

This morning, I accidentally changed the GPS Voice to “Male."

Now it just says, “It's around here somewhere. Keep driving."

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Of all the things that taste like chicken, it's weird that eggs aren't one of them.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes, but instead I accidentally get.. Well, you know...

Oreos.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What happens if someone slaps you at high frequency?

It hertz.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Got a new job doing shift work at the chess factory.

I’m on knights next week.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Imagine going through a bad breakup in 1801.

And then Beethoven drops Moonlight Sonata.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I have a pet tree.

It's like having a pet dog except the bark is quieter.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Can a match box?

No, but a tin can.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My phone just fell down a flight of stairs...

It's okay though, it was in my pocket!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

It's amazing how music can transport you to another place.

For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I'm going to another restaurant.