I'm a Christian, feel free to shoot any questions. I understand (of sorts) the pain your going through, I had my brother in-law drown right next to me in a creek 10 years ago. Then recently had someone use my bdouble as a suicide tool. I've been diagnosed with PTSD and am now in and out of mental health hospitals like a yoyo. I've considered suicide myself on many occasions... But knowing I have a purpose helps. Self forgiveness is so important, but also looking form another person's perspective is important to... If you saw someone going through what you're going through what would your advice be, would you tell them they had nothing to be guilty of? Would you tell them it wasn't their fault?