Feeling down so thought I would post a few jokes to lighten the mood.
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover
the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they
tested positive for WD40.
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...
Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka!
A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, f@@k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen ?
Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees.
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'
Billy says, ' Wimbledon .'
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look
horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans
over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you
think I should do?'
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid