Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a lizard on a portable toilet?

A commodo dragon.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

When it comes to growing your own fresh produce, your eat what you can, and you can what you can't.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My favourite teacher back in school was Mrs Turtle.

Funny name, but she tortoise well.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I have a disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

My doctor says it's terminal.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Huge mistake challenging Death to a pillow fight.

I was NOT prepared for the reaper cushions.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My son said Twitter is where old people go to pretend they’re cool so congratulations everybody.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What did Mr. Peanut say to his wife before he left the house?

“Don't worry, l'Il be back in a Jif!”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I used to be a developer for autocorrect.

Then they fried me for no raisin.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Reading way above my grade level didn't get me as far in life as I had hoped.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you hear about the ATM that was addicted to money?

It suffered from withdrawals.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Doctor: This is ridiculous.

Vet: Do we both need to be here?

Centaur: Yes.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm not saying l'm attractive.

But when I take my clothes off in the bathroom...

I turn the shower on.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tyres and roll me down hills.

Those were Goodyears.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you hear who won the “World’s Best Neckwear” competition?

It was a tie.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My grandma's been going around telling people I fix phones just because I took her phone off silent.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The first 12 - 16 hours after waking up are always the hardest.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Accidentally replaced my halogen bulbs with hallucinogen bulbs.

Circuit breakers are tripping and my electric bill is really high.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Tried a new food called the pelican burger.

It was delicious, but the bill was enormous.

 

[N4TE]

This one is visual in the text.

How does a non binary person kill another non binary person?

they/them

The joke is slash…