Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a bedpan in Russia?

A Poo-tin.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I got a vasectomy because I didn't want kids.

But when I came home they were still.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

If the lettuce display at the grocery store falls over again, I swear, heads are gonna roll.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A truck loaded with Vicks Vaporub overturned on the highway.

Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Despite all the warnings, I put all my eggs in one basket.

Made my grocery shopping trip SO much easier.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call two guys sitting on top of a window?

Kurt and Rod.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Have you heard about the new sport called silent tennis?

It's like regular tennis but without the racket.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A man walks into a magical forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can't cut me down!” the tree exclaims, “I'm a talking tree!”

The man responds, “you may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I walked down the street dressed as a screwdriver.

I turned a few heads.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Yesterday, I went to a DIY place to get manure for my garden but they were out of stock.

I wasn't taking shit from anyone that day.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Every morning I announce loudly to my family that l'm going jogging, but then don't go.

It's a running joke.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

l've been banned from the Secret Cooking Society...

I kept spilling the beans.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a monk in the woodlands?

A forest friar.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I opened my medicine cabinet and a bottle of Omega-3 capsules fell on my head.

Fortunately I only suffered super fish oil injuries.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Date: “Can you take off your work gloves?”

Jim Henson: “They have names.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Hello darkness my old friend.

I stood up too fast again.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

To stay in shape, my grandma started walking five miles a day when she was 60.

She’s 97 today and we don’t know where she is.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

An American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German were all attending a Zoom meeting with their supervisor, who asked, “Can everyone see me ok?”

The colleagues replied, “yes,” “oui,” “si,” “ja.”