I am shocked, shocked, by this appalling example of naive misunderstanding. Pitchfork? Pitchfork!? This is no pitchfork I wield in my outstretched victorious right hand. It is the spear of four prongs, the first stands for accountability, the second stands for responsibility, the third stands for being smart enough not to get caught, and the fourth stands for always saying "yes, yes, good heavens yes!" to cap relief. None can withstand its four prongs, each sporting their own gleaming *ting* of the reflected light coming off the beaming faces of the tens of thousands of Bulldogs fans who celebrated upon hearing the news of Elliott's demise.