Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

You know what they say... April snow, earthquake, and eclipse bring May flowers.

 

[GJA]

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was out standing in his field.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My girlfriend told me that if i make one more joke about numbers we're not going to be a couple anymore.

I said "pair enough".

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I am a 100 days sober!

Not in a row or anything, just total.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo...

I had to put my foot down.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

WARNING: Asking someone if they had a nice weekend may cause them to tell you ALL about it.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My parents are on streaming services you have never heard of. My mum will call me and say we just watched "The Beefbutter Mysteries." It's on PineCone TV.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a dinosaur without gold?

A dinosr.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What's a grave digger's favourite element?

Barium.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Just sayin’ if I was an Italian plumber whose girlfriend was constantly being imprisoned in castles by an evil fire breathing lizard, I would simply not take part in recreational go-kart races with aforementioned lizard.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Just blocked someone for trying to correct my grammar, and it feeled so good!

 

[DaBulldog]

I hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Some would say that I nailed it.

 

[DaBulldog]

What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.

 

[DaBulldog]

Did you hear about the cross-eyed optician? He could never see eye to eye with his patients.

 

[DaBulldog]

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!

 

[DaBulldog]

Why did the Invisible Man decline the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

80% of people don’t understand how percentages work, half of the time.

I call it the 80/50 rule.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Me: I'll see you in court!

Waldo: Will you?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Hi, I’m unavailable to take your call. If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me because I haven't checked my voicemail since 2010.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

$120 for a tire rotation? Trust me they rotate, buddy how do you think i got here?