Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I just quit my job at the helium factory.

I won't be spoken to in that tone.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig.

It's not a long poem, but it's deep.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes...

It's only a draft at the moment.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

People are pretty excited about the huge sale at the natural rocks and minerals store.

It was a pretty big ore deal.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas, or he could just hit me over the head with a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Recently took up knitting.

I'm not great at it yet, but I'm sew-sew.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Gene Simmons has an ancestor who was a warrior in Ancient Greece.

His name was Sparta KISS.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

It's not really fair to compare an iPhone to an Android.

It's not an Apples to Apples comparison.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I wanted to throw an Earth Day party but I forgot to planet.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

One day I changed a lightbulb, crossed the road and walked into a bar.

That's when I realised my whole life was a joke.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need..

... to let that mango.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My boss told me to have a good day.

So I went home.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.

For example, right now you're thinking: "It's psychic, you idiot."

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I don’t know how to explain it, but the food you eat when you were hoping to eat something else instead tastes even worse.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I was gonna share a joke about a hotel but I have my reservations.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why do you never see a portrait of a gardener?

Because they prefer it to be taken in landscape.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

To the guy who stole my anti-depressants: I hope you're happy now.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a cargo ship that only carries fruit?

An apple freighter.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I tried explaining the definition of a palindrome to my wife.

But I got it all backwards.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a French guy being mauled by a lion?

Claude.