Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why did the golfer pack an extra pair of socks?

In case he got a hole in one!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My friend David recently got his ID stolen.

Now he's just Dav.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife hit me with a baguette yesterday...

I told her she was going to jail for assault with a breadly weapon.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife left me for another man. All that lies ahead now is a miserable, pointless, lonely life.

And while he's going through that, I'll be down the pub with my mates every night.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My friend lost his car.

I call him Carlos.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Lost my life's research on how to cure excessive itching.

Looks like I'll have to start from scratch.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

After the ballet skirt was invented, the creators spent days coming up with a name.

Finally, they put tu and tu together.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

When you start to Excel, people start to spreadsheet.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Condoms don't always guarantee safe sex.

A buddy of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why couldn't Bach afford rent?

He was Baroque.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Albert Einstein was a genius.

But his brother Frank was a monster.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Freudian slip: Where you say one thing and mean a mother.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Just found out that Lady Gaga and The Goo Goo Dolls will co-headline a global tour this fall.

Tickets go on sale next week for the GooGooGaGa World Tour.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I didn't know that Sylvester Stallone is on his third marriage...

I guess his first one was rocky, and his second was rocky too.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I lost my wife's audiobook... and now I'll never hear the end of it!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my property over the weekend.

My neighbour is dead against it.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

To all the people that always said I'd never amount to anything because of my procrastination:

Just you wait.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Biologists have crossed a watermelon with a cauliflower. People who eat the new variety get a sense of sadness known as meloncauli.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I've started a business building boats in my attic.

Sails are going through the roof.