Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do bees do when their friend moves into a new hive?

They throw them a house swarming party.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I got arrested for stealing a complete set of encyclopedias...

I said to the police “Hang on, I can explain everything...”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[N4TE]

My missus has been missing for a week. And the police told me to prepare for the worst.

so I went back to Vinnies and got all her clothes back.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What did the carpenter say when he finished building his house?

Nailed it.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Bro, do you want this pamphlet?

Yeah, Brochure.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My ex was an archaeologist.

She was always digging up the past, putting it on display....it was a rocky relationship.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer.

No idea what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What kind of vampire wears silky dresses and lacy undies?

Dragula.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Bakers will suddenly feel a rush of joy while making bread.

That’s when the *dough*pamine hits.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My pet mouse "Elvis" died last night.

He was caught in a trap.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

We had a contest at work for the best neckwear…

It was a tie.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I once had a fight in a toilet.

Serious shit went down

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A girl on tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture.

Told her I'm just looking for a match.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My sister just delivered a baby.

I knew she had it in her.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I received a flyer on anger management the other day.

I lost it.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I never make mistakes.

I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]