Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Saw a clock in the garbage the other day!

Can’t believe people are wasting time!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My girlfriend said, “I am breaking up with you because of your addiction of wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour.”

I said, “Wait! I can change.”

 

[MariaZ]

My son said mum which ring comes after the engagement and marriage ring? Is it the eternity ring? .. I replied No son.... .after the marriage ring comes the SUFFER-RING!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

Jack.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I bought a diamond ring on St. Patrick's Day but found out it was a fake.

They gave me a sham rock.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I recently took up fencing.

The neighbors said they will call the police if I don't put it back.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife has begged me to stop making police related puns.

I said, "OK. I'll give it arrest.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I bought coconut shampoo today, but when I got home, I realized...

I don't even have a coconut.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend?

Meet Patty

 

[south of heaven]

Saw a clock in the garbage the other day!

Can’t believe people are wasting time!

A starving kid in africa would eat that in no time

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

In a safety meeting at work they asked me what steps I'd take in a fire.

Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I've opened a restaurant called "Peace And Quiet."

Kids meals only $150.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture, but when I got home...

...the tables were turned!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Two guys are playing chess.

One says to the other, "How about we make this more interesting?"

So they stop playing chess

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a lady who carries people across rivers?

Bridget.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My dad just came into my room and poured a whole bottle of milk on me.

How dairy!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Some people think that wigs are expensive.

But really it's just a small price toupee.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]