Dad jokes

[Number18]

Bulldog wrestler, you're channelling Tim vine lol

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

At a certain point in your life, sitting at home alone watching TV on a Friday night goes from being super depressing to the most enjoyable part of your week

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine?

It wooden go!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My dog accidentally swallowed a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. We took him to the vet to get him checked out.

No word yet…

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why did the toast call in sick?

He was feeling crummy.

 

[Smartseal]

My dog accidentally swallowed a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. We took him to the vet to get him checked out.

No word yet…

Fuk you, I just spat beer all over my phone [emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787]

 

[DaBulldog]

A man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went to the Footy.

 

[DaBulldog]

I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger…and then it hit me.

 

[UndeadShadowMan]

What's the difference between Barrett & a sex worker...........nothing they both suck. Not funny but I'm just pissed off lol

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Unfortunately, my obese parrot just died.

But it’s a huge weight off my shoulders.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

"My memory is so bad."

"How bad is it?"

"How bad is what?"

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a zombie who writes music?

A decomposer.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My son didn't cope well with going to jail. He refused to eat or drink anything. He swore at everyone and covered his room with his own shit.

After that we never played Monopoly again.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I lost my wife’s audiobook...

and now I’ll never hear the end of it!

 

[DaBulldog]

Dentist warns his patient, “This might be a bit painful.”

Patient: “That’s OK, I’ll handle it.”

The dentist sighs, “For a while now, I’ve been having an affair with your wife.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I got trapped in a bidding war for a house, because my wife loved the lengthy corridor.

Now I’m in it for the long hall.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I called up my landlord and said, “Hey, I gotta leak in my sink.”

He said, “Go ahead. I’m not judging.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

There once was a man that fell down a well.

Turns out, he couldn't see that well.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What word starts with E and ends with E but only has one letter in it?

Envelope.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I went for an interview at IKEA.

The manager greeted me by saying "come in, make a seat."