Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I got mugged by six dwarves last night.

Not happy...

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I asked my friend Sam to sing a song about the iPhone.

And then Samsung.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I told my wife she needs to start embracing her mistakes.

So she hugged me.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Today I started an argument with my wife while riding in an elevator.

I was wrong on so many levels.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Scientists may have discovered a method to extract gold from human waste.

I’m not sure myself, but I’ll have to see how this shit pans out.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick.

Especially because his name’s Steve.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My doctor said that I might die because I accidentally consumed clay.

I’m shitting bricks to be honest.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Can anyone tell me what oblivious means?

I have no idea.

 

[DaBulldog]

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

 

[DaBulldog]

"I only know 25 letters in the Alphabet. I don't know y"

 

[DaBulldog]

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

 

[DaBulldog]

Just bought a Roosters supporters pack. Received 1 scarf, 1 flag and a shirt. No cap though, apparently the club don't believe in them.

 

[DaBulldog]

When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said, “You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?” I said, “No, not particularly.”

 

[Smartseal]

My doctor said that I might die because I accidentally consumed clay.

I’m shitting bricks to be honest.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

[emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787] ROTFPMSL

 

[DinkumDog]

Two aerials got married.
The ceremony wasn’t that exciting…
…but the reception was outstanding.

You’re welcome .

 

[DinkumDog]

I’d like to apologise in advance, but it is Easter:

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[D0GMATIC]

What did jesus say to the 12 apostles on good Friday ? Don't touch my Easter eggs boys I'll be back on Monday

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]