Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

For her birthday, I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there looking at the trees for half an hour.

Not the Apple Watch she was expecting apparently.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Karate is just an aggressive way of making people smell your feet.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I hate when I'm singing a song and someone corrects me.

What if I'm doing a remix?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My friend thinks that drinking beer will make him smarter.

But I don't think anything would make my Budweiser.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you get when you boil funny bone?

Laughing stock.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

People often ask why I continue posting jokes everyday.

I feel it’s my respunsibility.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What’s the difference between unlawful and illegal?

One means against the law and the other is a sick bird.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Do people in electric cars listen to AC/DC?

Or something current?

 

[L.B]

You know you're old when you're entering your birth year online and have to spin that thing like you're on wheel of fortune.

Thanks Mr Wrestler, my kids are now wanting to read every single joke from page 1

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm really mad about how fast my life went from MySpace to MYCHART.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Don’t wear headphones while vacuuming. I've just finished the whole house before realising that the vacuum wasn't plugged in.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I published a book about basements.

It made the New York Times’ best cellars list!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a dentist who doesnt like tea?

Denis.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The Village People have released a brand new song about printer ink.

“YMCK.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Had a contest to see who could lose the most muscle mass.

There was only one winner, but everyone got atrophy.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I really don't mind leg day at the gym.

It's just the two days after that I can't stand.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Where do plastic surgeons get all those new noses?

At the olfactory.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What kind of underwear do long distance runners wear?

Marathongs.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Nine months isn't really that long.

But to some, it can feel like a maternity

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.