Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you get when you cross a boomerang with a ghost?

Something that’s gonna come back to haunt you.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

This morning | woke up in a clown costume.

I must have slept funny.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a caterpillar?

A walkie-talkie.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The other day I walked past the lead singer of R.E.M.

I thought that I heard him laughing.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Opened a Mars bar once.

Discovered that Martians love gin.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I spent all day yesterday bobbing up and down in the water.

It's been my dream ever since I was a little buoy.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Next up on my reading list is “Great Eggspectations.”

By Charles Chickens.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

E minor is the creepiest chord.

It gives me the E-B-G-Bs.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

These can't be the same knees I used to jump out of swings mid air and land with.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm so old my high school had a smoking area.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Just saw three people jogging outside and it inspired me to get up and close the blinds.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I was given a brass instrument for my birthday, but I have yet to play it.

I'm not one to blow my own trumpet.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to fasten the seatbelt in my new car.

Then it just clicked.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I’d tell you a joke about herbs and fish, but this isn't the thyme nor the plaice.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My favourite teacher from primary school was Mrs Turtle.

Strange name, but she tortoise well.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Best way to make garlic toast?

Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My friend asked me if he could set up a human cloning lab in my basement.

I said “Sure, make yourself at home.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What did the clock ask the watch?

Hour you doing?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I went to school for magicians but failed the final exam.

They were all trick questions.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Fixing typos in your texts is for cowards.

I'll message someone “whatr you dong toncifjt" and that's on them to figure out what I just said.