Anastabation
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It’s a typical Monday afternoon at the Noad household. Reni Maitua and Willie Mason asleep in the lounge room with several chicks, Malcolm slaving away in the kitchen cooking bacon and eggs. Reni is the first to rise at about 1:30. He isn’t quite as exhausted as Mason, having only played 32 minutes of the grand final, whereas Willie won the Clive Churchill medal for the 7th time. With extra time on his hands, Reni decides to prank call Sonny Bill and tease him about his injury. After about 15 seconds Sonny Bill says “**** you Reni bro” and hangs up the phone, leaving Reni in a giggling state. “Shut the **** up Maitua, ya loud ****” yells Mason, a man who hates being awoken. “Boys, breakfast’s ready”, yells out Malcolm, prompting the two premiers to head towards the kitchen. “Shot gun the biggest!” shouts Mason as he gives Reni a Willie Tonga fend and sprint towards the kitchen.
Malcolm, eating porridge, decides to quiz the guys about last night’s grand final celebrations. “So did you guys talk to The Telegraph about the win?”, he queried. “We started singing premiers **** yeah a few times but other than that we only talked to The New York Times”, answered Maitua with a grin. “YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS. I IMPOSED A BAN ON THE NEW YORK TIMES, THEY SUGGESTED WE WOULDN’T MAKE THE TOP 8 IN 2014”, bellowed Noad, quite furious at the boys’ ignorance. With that, Noad proceeded to confiscate the bacon and impose a $10,000 fine on Mason for breeching the club’s code of conduct. Willie was quite angry with this and he stormed out of the house with Reni, jumping into the Ford Falcon Gould gave to him last time he was coming off contract and headed towards Braith Anasta’s Bondi mansion.
After they punched in the 37 letter digit, waited for each gate to open and handed the keys to Braith’s personal car parker, the pair proceeded to knock on the door. The door was answered by Braith, who was sporting an expensive hair cut and a NSW Blues polo shirt. Reni and Mason then proceeded to take their frustrations out on the Roosters’ turnstile, pinning him to the floor and removing his 2004 premiership ring, Braith’s most prized possession to go along with his 6 runner up medals. Willie then started singing to Braith while Reni tickled him.
“Like it or not it’s the Bulldogs on top, and I’m a Bulldog homie until my heart stops. Go ahead envy me, I’m the grand final MVP, and I aint goin’ nowhere so ya’ll can get to know me.”
After that Reni and Willie made up with Braith, and decided to meet up with Anasta’s Roosters team mates Minichiello and Fitzgibbon. They decided to go to the races. The 3 Roosters boys stopped by at Ricky Stuart’s house to pick up their credit cards, while Willie and Reni were forced to ask Malcolm for an advance, only to be told to “**** off”. So unfortunately, Reni and Willie had no money to spend and they were forced to watch as Braith and Minichiello blew several thousand on horse number 8, in turn prompting The Daily Telegraph to reveal Mason’s new found gambling problem in the following day’s paper.
On the way home Mason was seen smoking a cigarette, farting and coming within 2kms of a closed down brothel. This prompted the Bulldogs club to be fined another $500,000 dollars by the NRL for bringing the game into disrepute, Sonny Bill Williams to catch the mumps and the loss of international lock Tony Grimaldi, who signed with Souths.
Mason was extremely unhappy to hear the news and in a ball of rage decided with Reni to head to Burger King and eat a couple of whoppers. In doing so, they took the pickles off and left them on the tray.
What this story teaches us is that no matter what Willie Mason does, people are always going to think he’s bad. Willie Mason is just a normal guy with an extraordinary ability to make metres. The Ren and Willie adventures are akin to those of Batman and Robin. Consistently they find themselves considered villains by the local police force and the general public, yet they always manage to save the day, conquer evil and beat the Roosters in the grand final. Word.
Malcolm, eating porridge, decides to quiz the guys about last night’s grand final celebrations. “So did you guys talk to The Telegraph about the win?”, he queried. “We started singing premiers **** yeah a few times but other than that we only talked to The New York Times”, answered Maitua with a grin. “YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS. I IMPOSED A BAN ON THE NEW YORK TIMES, THEY SUGGESTED WE WOULDN’T MAKE THE TOP 8 IN 2014”, bellowed Noad, quite furious at the boys’ ignorance. With that, Noad proceeded to confiscate the bacon and impose a $10,000 fine on Mason for breeching the club’s code of conduct. Willie was quite angry with this and he stormed out of the house with Reni, jumping into the Ford Falcon Gould gave to him last time he was coming off contract and headed towards Braith Anasta’s Bondi mansion.
After they punched in the 37 letter digit, waited for each gate to open and handed the keys to Braith’s personal car parker, the pair proceeded to knock on the door. The door was answered by Braith, who was sporting an expensive hair cut and a NSW Blues polo shirt. Reni and Mason then proceeded to take their frustrations out on the Roosters’ turnstile, pinning him to the floor and removing his 2004 premiership ring, Braith’s most prized possession to go along with his 6 runner up medals. Willie then started singing to Braith while Reni tickled him.
“Like it or not it’s the Bulldogs on top, and I’m a Bulldog homie until my heart stops. Go ahead envy me, I’m the grand final MVP, and I aint goin’ nowhere so ya’ll can get to know me.”
After that Reni and Willie made up with Braith, and decided to meet up with Anasta’s Roosters team mates Minichiello and Fitzgibbon. They decided to go to the races. The 3 Roosters boys stopped by at Ricky Stuart’s house to pick up their credit cards, while Willie and Reni were forced to ask Malcolm for an advance, only to be told to “**** off”. So unfortunately, Reni and Willie had no money to spend and they were forced to watch as Braith and Minichiello blew several thousand on horse number 8, in turn prompting The Daily Telegraph to reveal Mason’s new found gambling problem in the following day’s paper.
On the way home Mason was seen smoking a cigarette, farting and coming within 2kms of a closed down brothel. This prompted the Bulldogs club to be fined another $500,000 dollars by the NRL for bringing the game into disrepute, Sonny Bill Williams to catch the mumps and the loss of international lock Tony Grimaldi, who signed with Souths.
Mason was extremely unhappy to hear the news and in a ball of rage decided with Reni to head to Burger King and eat a couple of whoppers. In doing so, they took the pickles off and left them on the tray.
What this story teaches us is that no matter what Willie Mason does, people are always going to think he’s bad. Willie Mason is just a normal guy with an extraordinary ability to make metres. The Ren and Willie adventures are akin to those of Batman and Robin. Consistently they find themselves considered villains by the local police force and the general public, yet they always manage to save the day, conquer evil and beat the Roosters in the grand final. Word.
