Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a sad dog that's made of fruit?

Melon Collie.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A police officer just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs are chasing people on bikes.

That’s ridiculous, because my dogs don’t even own bikes.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

If a bra is an "over the shoulder boulder holder".

Does that make a jock strap an “under the butt, nut hut?”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The mayor in my city just passed a law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week.

Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate.

 

[GoblinSlayer]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm so terrified of asking my wife to clean up after cooking breakfast that...

I've been walking on eggshells all day long!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I never understood why a set of false teeth is called "dentures".

They really missed an opportunity to call it "substitooths".

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you know that if your dog is running a fever, you’re supposed to give them ketchup?

Apparently it’s perfect for fixing a hot dog!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I was feeling depressed. So my wife put her hand on my shoulder and said "Earth."

That meant the world to me.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call someone who only believes in 12.5% of the bible?

An eighth-theist.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I can’t understand why my calculator just stopped working.

It just doesn’t add up.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?

He's finding it hard to deal with.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

You may think it's funny to kiss someone while you have a runny nose.

But it's snot.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Never fall in love with a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A guy tried to tell me about a tool that makes holes in hard materials, but I stopped him.

I know the drill.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why did the cows keep returning to the field of marijuana?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.