Dad jokes

Bulldog Wrestler

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At the office barbecue I grilled some rare steak for our boss, and he said, “I like it well done.”

I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”
 

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My wife said she saw a bowtie made from solid mahogany.

She said she nearly bought it for me but she didn't think I would wear it.

I replied "Wooden tie?"
 

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I gave my French girlfriend a pendant with "le monde" carved in.

It means the world to her.
 

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What do you do when you’re being attacked by a group of clowns?

Go for the juggler.
 

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I told my wife I'm going to a grocery store, she asked: aren't you gonna tell me what for?

To which i replied: there's no thyme!
 

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I've offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.

I think she's going to take me up on it.
 

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I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.

When I got home, they were still there.
 
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