Really bad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife just yelled at me, “You jerk, you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!?!”

What a strange way to start a conversation.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Today marks 100 days sober.

Obviously not in a row or anything silly like that, but in total!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How many exotic birds can change a lightbulb?

Toucan.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says “I’ll have some H2O.”

The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O too.” and then he dies.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife accused me of being immature.

I was so upset, I told her to get out of my fort.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I cut myself shredding cheese. I wanted to blame someone else, but then I remembered...

With grate power comes grate responsibility.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a beehive without an exit?

Unbelievable.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

At first I thought it was great marrying an archeologist.

But then I found out she was a gold digger and my life is in ruins.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How much room does fungi need to grow?

As mushroom as it takes.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I like to swap the M and N keys on people's keyboards in the office.

Some would say that I'm a monster, but I would say I'm a nomster.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What is the medical diagnosis for owning too many dogs?

Roverdose.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a bigoted fashion designer?

Clothes-minded.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."

"Good idea", I replied, "We can cover more ground that way."

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

There’s a new dating app that caters to arsonists.

Every week you get new matches!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What did the Space Alien call the human who was run over by a bus?

A flat earther.