Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How do you make a bed in winter?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I saw a programme about how pickles are prepared.

It was jarring.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Disappointed to fail my psychic exam.

Didn't see that coming.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I asked a girl for a date and she said I had a face like the back of a boat.

I didn't reply, but I gave her a stern look.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I’m giving away racing geese for free.

You can come over if you wanna have a gander.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Not everyone thinks Cleopatra is beautiful...

But that's how Julius Caesar.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I went to the doctors and he said: “Don’t eat anything fatty.”

I said: “What like burgers?”

He said: “No fatty, just don’t eat anything.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife and I were stuck in traffic.

Frustrated, I looked at her and said: “I’m turning round.”

She replied: “I know - stop eating so many burgers.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

l asked my phone: “Siri, why am I so bad with women?”

She said: “I'm Alexa you moron.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife won't talk to me - not sure why. She just asked me what the female equivalent of the 'mancave' is.

And I told her it's called the kitchen.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

When I was a kid. I wanted to play the guitar really badly.

And after years of hard work, practice and dedication, I can now play the guitar really badly.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?

A tiny part of me says yes.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A man walked into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail.

The waitress smiled sweetly and said - "Once upon a time, there was this handsome lobster…”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife wanted to brighten up the garden.

So I planted some bulbs.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Big Moron and Little Moron were on a bridge.

Big Moron fell off, but the other didn’t because…he was a little more on.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What colour is the wind?

Blew.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Today, I saw someone waving and I wasn't sure whether they were waving at me or at someone behind me.

In other news, I was fired from my lifeguard job.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Just saw a real idiot at the gym.

He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.