Dad jokes

[BlackJackBulldog]

 

[Cryptic Ghost]

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[Alan79]

.View attachment 64637

Clue please.

Never mind.

 

[Mr 95%]

Just read that by law you have to turn your headlights on when it’s raining in Sweden

How am I meant to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Google!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

So the Doctor handed me a cup and said: “urinate”.

I said: “Thanks, thought I was a 6/10 at best.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Got home from work today to find my kids have been on ebay all day.

If they are still there tomorrow I will lower the price.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife tells me I have 2 major faults.

I don't listen - and something else.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.

So I bought her a candle.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted.

l've lived here for 235 years and not noticed anything strange.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anybody can roast beef

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I went to a psychic.

I knocked on her front door.

She yelled: "Who is it?"

So I left.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I told the carpenter not to carpet my steps…

He gave me a blank stair.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I hate my job. All I do is crush cans all day.

It's just... Soda pressing.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I told my girlfriend she painted her eyebrows on too high...

She looked surprised!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife said, “I don’t quite understand the science behind human cloning.”

Me: "That makes two of us…”