Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables.

Turns out I was on the mothership.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life.

l'll call it my oughtabiography.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife thinks it's weird that I stare at the window during a heavy rainstorm.

It would be a lot less weird if she'd just let me in.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Once again I've entered the annual tightest hat competition in our town, this year.

I'm just hoping, that I can pull it off.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife and I had this long pointless argument as to which vowel is the most important.

I won.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after giving my first lesson.

Deep down, I realised it wasn’t for me.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call the knight who loves to scare people?

Sir Prise.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Today I learned you can use disposable masks to brew espresso.

That's because they're coughy filters.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I always keep my guitar in the car now.

It's good for traffic jams.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

When I get in to work I immediately hide.

Good employees are hard to find.

 

[Hacky McAxe]

What do you call the knight who loves to scare people?

Sir Prise.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once.

A four loaf cleaver.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

s "buttcheeks" one word?

Or should I spread them apart?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning.

She said, "How do you know it was on its way to work?”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs.

It's a step by step guide.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water.

I was like well damn.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don't get the proper support, people will think we're nuts.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I had to fire my fruit delivery driver today.

I hate to let the mango, but he was driving me bananas.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally?

Sheer Luck Holmes.