Dad jokes

[Bullpit]

BOSS: Where were you yesterday David? There was no one else to cover your shift

DAVID: I’m sorry. I was becoming a father yesterday

BOSS: Oh really! I’m so happy for you. Is it a boy or a girl?

DAVID: I’ll tell you in nine months.

BOSS: You’re fired!

 

[Bullpit]

What’s Irish and stays out all night?

Pati O’furniture

 

[Bullpit]

I’m going to take up coin collecting. I think the change will do me good.

 

[Bullpit]

I bought a new toilet brush today. Long story short, I am going back to using toilet paper.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Stephen King has a son named Joe.

I'm not joking, but he is.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I think my phone is broken.

I pressed the home button but I'm still at work.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I was robbed at the petrol station today! I called the police and they asked if I knew who did it?

I said yes, pump #6.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm reading a horror book in Braille. Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Not many people know this but I actually studied dad jokes in college.

I majored in sighchology.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I boiled a funny bone last night and made a laughing stock.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What's the worst thing about ancient history class?

The teachers tend to Babylon.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What did the alligator say to the bee?

See ya later pollinator.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

We argued all day about what to call a medieval soldier.

But it was getting late so we called it a knight.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I asked the librarian if they had any books on amplifiers.

She said, “Yes, what volume would you like?”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I hate when people use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I took my 8-year-old daughter to the office on 'Take Your Kid To Work Day'.

But when we walked in the office she started to cry.

As concerned staff gathered round I asked her what was wrong and she said: "Daddy where are all the clowns you said you worked with?"

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife asked me why I wanted to be cremated.

I told her it’s because it is my last hope for a smoking hot body.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a pig that's lost its voice?

Disgruntled.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I opened my water bill and my electric bill at the same time.

Boy was I in for a shock.