Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you know that Stephen King has a son?

His name is Joe.

I’m not joking.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife left a note on the fridge saying: "This isn't working. I'm leaving."

What a lie! I opened the fridge door and it's working fine.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Sometimes I wake up grumpy.

But other times I let her sleep in.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Don't worry about your smartphone and TV spying on you.

Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm not a fan of elevator music.

It's bad on so many levels.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a woman who’s really good at darts?

Amy.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife left me because of my gambling addiction.

But I know I can win her back

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife said, “You really have no sense of direction, do you?”

I said, “Where did that come from?”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis.

I replied, "That's 15 love."

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My daughter asked me if I had seen the dog bowl.

I said, "No, I didn't even know he could.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I asked my Chinese friend what it's like to live in China.

He says he can't complain.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

This morning I coughed up a pawn, a knight and a bishop.

I must have a chess infection.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

People call me self centered.

But that's enough about them.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

As I looked at my naked body in the mirror…

I realised that I was going to get kicked out of IKEA.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Mr 95%]

What the hell I’m calling it @Bulldog Wrestler ..I love all your jokes brother!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I started a nightclub for men with erectile dysfunction.

It was a total flop......and nobody came.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a made up colour?

A pigment of your imagination.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why did the chicken go to the gym?

To work on his pecks.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159.

Then it just CLIX.