Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My roommate says our apartment is haunted by ghosts.

But I've never seen any ghosts, and I've lived in this apartment for over a century.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife says I only have 2 faults.

I don’t listen - and something else...

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I’m reading a horror book in Braille.

Something bad is going to happen.

I can feel it.

 

[Bullpit]

What did the 0 say to the 8?

That belt looks great on you!

 

[Bullpit]

I once spent hours making a pencil with erasers at both ends …… it was pointless!

 

[Bullpit]

I had a neckbrace fitted years ago ….. never looked back since!

 

[Bullpit]

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it!

 

[Bullpit]

I had a neckbrace fitted years ago - haven’t looked back since!

 

[Bullpit]

What do you call a pony with a sore throat?" A little hoarse.

 

[Bullpit]

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

 

[Bullpit]

I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts.

 

[Bullpit]

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

 

[Bullpit]

Do you think glass coffins will be a success? Remains to be seen.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then hung up.

I’m getting sick and tired of these cold calls.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The reason that aliens have never visited us is because our solar system has received terrible reviews.

We only have one star.

 

[Bullpit]

Dave: My wife left for a holiday last week

Mike: Jamaica?

Dave: No, she went of her own accord

 

[Bullpit]

What do you call a Mexican whose vehicle has been stolen? Carlos.

 

[Bullpit]

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

 

[Bullpit]

Two TV aerials got married. The ceremony was boring, but the reception was great