Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A man visits his doctors.

"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doctor.

"It's... um... well….. I have five penises," replies the man.

"Blimey!" says the doctor, "how do your trousers fit?"

"Like a glove."

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My next door neighbour just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands.

With Facebook and Instagram down, she wanted me to see what she was having.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a man in debt?

Owen.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why did the cyborg have to rest after his long road trip?

Because he had a hard drive.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Midwives deserve a lot of respect.

They really help people out.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife said, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where did that come from?"

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My 6-year-old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill.

Looks like she's preparing some kind of barbie queue.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Can anyone tell me what oblivious means?

I have no idea.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I lost three fingers on my right hand, so I asked my doctor if I would still be able to write with it.

He said: “Maybe, but I wouldn't count on it.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My neighbours listen to great musIc.

Whether they like it or not.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My inflatable house got a puncture last night.

Now I'm living in a flat.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs.

It's a step by step guide.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I recently bought a toilet brush. Long story short,

I'm going back to toilet paper.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My friend was kidnapped by mimes.

They did unspeakable things to him.

 

[N4TE]

My wife always gets up me about my poor sense of direction.

So yesterday I packed my bags and right…

 

[Powerslide]

A flat earther dies and is waiting at the pearly gates. St Peter says to the man, before entering heaven you may ask God one question. The man asks God , is the earth flat or a globe. God replied, the Earth is most definitely a globe . The man exclaimed, holy crap , the conspiracy runs deeper than I could have ever imagined.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order.

I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.