Dad jokes

[N4TE]

My wife and I were having a huge argument about who’s turn it was to do the washing.

Finally I threw in the towel..

 

[Disposable Hero]

My wife and I were having a huge argument about who’s turn it was to do the washing.

Finally I threw in the towel..

I've had this argument. So I threw her clothes in the bin and washed my own.

 

[N4TE]

I’m not saying I’m attractive but every time I go into the bathroom and take my clothes off.

I turn the shower on.


I had a great childhood. Dad use to roll me down hills in tyres.

Those where the Goodyears.

 

[N4TE]

If Money doesn’t grow on trees. Why do banks have branches?

Also my wife told me she is going to leave because I have 14 major problems one of them being my obsession with tennis.

I said, that’s 15 love.

 

[Grunthos]

"Parramatta..."

 

[HD and Ink]

This thread is so bad its GOLD. Will confess I've used some of these on kids and pals.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A wizard asked me to proof-read one of his scrolls last week.

Actually, it was more of a Spell Check.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.

But he just won't listen.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why did Dracula not want to attend the business meeting?

He was afraid of the stakeholders.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I had to fire my fruit delivery driver today.

I hate to let the mango, but he was driving me bananas.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Someone replaced all of the buttons in the elevator.

It was wrong on so many levels.

 

[N4TE]

The police just knocked on my door to say my dog was chasing a kid on a bike.

I just shut the door. My dog doesn’t even own a bike.


My wife asked me if I’ve seen the dog bowl.

I said I didnt know he could

 

[N4TE]

Last night I ordered a chicken and an egg off Amazon.

I’ll let you guys know.

 

[Alan79]

This thread is so bad its GOLD. Will confess I've used some of these on kids and pals.

Yeah they're short and sweet usually not offensive. Great for work.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How do you make the number one disappear?

You just add a G and it's gone.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a fox?

A fox.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A policeman spotted an elderly lady knitting while driving.

"Pullover!" he said.

"No, it's a scarf!" she replied.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[GoblinSlayer]