Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Website: Choose a password.

Me: hi-hat

Website: Password cannot contain cymbals.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I always keep a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet to remind me why there's no money in it.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I went to a linen convention.

It was quite a sheet show.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

You know what really makes me throw up?

A dartboard on a ceiling.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My son wanted to know what it was like to be a parent.

So I woke him at 2am to tell him my sock came off.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I accidentally dropped a bucket of paint on my boss at the job site.

Boy was he blue in the face!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How do fish get high?

Seaweed.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

They should invent debt cancelling headphones.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a person that hides out in the bathroom at parties?

A party-pooper.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My girlfriend's mobile phone service sucks!

Eight days ago she said, "We're breaking up," the call ended and it's gone straight to voicemail ever since.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Somebody should market a beer called "Occasionally".

So when asked, I can say, "I only drink Occasionally".

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I went for an interview at IKEA.

The manager greeted me by saying, "come in, make a seat."

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I called up my landlord and said, "Hey, I gotta leak in my sink."

He said, "Go ahead. I'm not judging."

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What kind of dog lives in a toilet?

Poodle.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife asks me to blow air at her face every time she gets too hot.

But honestly, I'm not a fan.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A horror movie, but it's just seeing a bunch of people you know at the store and there's nowhere to hide.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A friend of mine asked me to invest in his line of new kitchen utensils but after reviewing the business plan, there were too many whisks.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The Indian restaurant my friend works at is so secretive, he had to sign a legal agreement that he wouldn't leak their famous flatbread recipe.

It was just their standard naan disclosure agreement.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

You can tell a lot about a person by obtaining a fraudulent therapist license.

 

[Dognacious]

What has 5 toes and isnt your foot?


My foot.