Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I knew a guy that was told he was the worst Best Man ever.

He was speechless.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I started a poetry club in prison.

It had prose and cons.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

This morning I saw my neighbour talking to her cat; it was obvious the poor women thought the cat understood her.

When I got home I told my dog...we laughed a lot.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My dad told me to stop pretending to be a farm animal.

He was sick of me horsing around.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a man with a flatfish on his head?

Ray.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My doctor just told me I'm suffering from paranoia.

Well, he didn't actually say that, but I could tell that was what he was thinking.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated.

She made an appointment for Tuesday.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a helpful lemon?

Lemonaid.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

When my father dies he wants his ashes pressed into a record.

It was his vinyl request.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I have a pet manatee named Hugh. I built him a house.

It’s a habitat for Hugh manatee.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I broke two of my dad’s Queen records.

Now I want to break three...

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

There was a catastrophic cyber attack recently: the govt is still looking for the hacker.

I think he ran some ware.

 

[BlackJackBulldog]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What is a sausage made up of annoying children?

A bratwurst.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A man with a penis for a nose walks into a bar...

The bartender says "why the schlong face?"

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I told my boss I was tired of being a human cannonball.

So he fired me!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My friends love scaring the crap out of me.

With friends like that, who needs enemas?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My dad once told me that if I put a potato in my swim trunks, I would attract more women...

He forgot to tell me to put the potato in the front.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call friends you like to eat with?

Tastebuds.