Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Poop jokes aren't my favourite kind of joke.

But they are a solid #2

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why did the chicken go to the gym?

To work on his pecks

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar.

They didn’t planet that way

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What did the colour say to the other colour?

I love hue.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My doctor said that I might die because I accidentally consumed clay.

I’m shitting bricks to be honest.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I phoned my work this morning and said, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.”

He said: “You have a wee cough?”

Me: “Really? Thanks boss. See you next week.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My neighbor brags that his dog can bring a ball back from nearly half a mile away.

It sounds a bit far-fetched to me.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call an underwater dog?

A subwoofer.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A couple of cows were smoking weed and playing poker.

The steaks were high.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I have a fear of overly intricate buildings...

I have a complex complex complex.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I informed my family that someone in the house was secretly an owl in disguise and our oldest daughter asked, "Who?"

Honestly, never suspected her.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why don’t vultures pay excess baggage fees?

They only fly with carrion.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How do 37 mathematicians board a bus with only 36 seats?

They carry the one.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I recently bought a new toilet brush. Long story short...

I’m going back to paper.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Sad news: my obese parrot died today.

But it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My son couldn't sleep. So I told him there are cows sleeping in the field outside.

He said: “What’s that go to do with anything?”

I replied: “Because it's pasture bedtime.”