- Joined
- Feb 16, 2008
- Messages
- 11,057
- Reaction score
- 292
(TL;DR version = Bad times came. Got mad. Gave up. Random awakening led to best year as a fan I've ever had .... Thanks for playing - Use this in your Quote instead of a whole 5000 word post)
I hear you.
I feel you.
I get it, I really do.
Allow me to rewind the clock to the dark, dark times leading up to 2008. Four short years after premiership glory, the wheels had completely fallen off the Bulldogs wagon. Injury plagued 2005, a better year in 2006 cut short by a tragic SF loss to Brisbane (I'm still triggered to this day), squad systematically poached by Roosters, Pricey left while we re-signed plodders to inflated contracts (largely due to managers negotiating for players who took pay cuts in 2002-2004), and when it couldn't look like getting any worse SBW pissed off to Toulon, and Folkesy (RIP - that still hurts) was shown the door.
Up steps Jim Dymock for the remaining games, and it's around about now Greenberg is assuming control of Belmore and flexing his influence in the wake of SBW. All of a sudden, we're plunging towards a wooden spoon, which we secure, after enduring a myriad of 30-50 point losses.
Remember that ?
Forget Coffs, forget Salary Cap ... THESE were our darkest days !
To put it bluntly, I rage-quit harder than a pimply teen playing Fortnite, and gave up everything to do with Bulldogs in mid 2008. - Couldn't do it anymore.
Couldn't bare to watch, get my hopes up, or even wear the jersey in public to rub our success in arseholes faces - (sidenote : for those who remember, wearing a Bulldogs jersey after 2002-2004 got you insulted by passing idiots with 'rapist' and 'terrroist' ... even I got it, and I'm as white as a milk bottle !). Glory was a distant memory. Papers had been dancing on our graves for years. None of the players resembled anybody we grew to love in the early 2000's. We couldn't compete, let alone win. Morale was rock bottom. Crowds were down. No coach. No direction. Wooden spoon here we come.
The weekly stress, the shit-talking mates and family, the neighbours, the workmates ... UGH !!! .... what a shitheap we were.
So I got all uppity, and decided "THAT'S IT !!!"
I said "I'M NOT GONNA CARE UNTIL THESE LOSERS DO !"
Feel familiar ?
Sound like anyone you know ?
Anyhoo .... it lasted about 6-8 weeks
.... then, one random day, I was walking past the TV
... and the Bulldogs were playing (Tigers I think).
... so I stopped for a little look.
... and (I shit you not) the next 10-15 minutes changed the course of my whole life.
At first glance, it was approaching half-time, and we were being well beaten ... again ... (30-0 from memory). It was a home game at ANZ, the weather was fantastic and all you could see were specs of individual and seats in the sun. I snorted "Typical", and WAIT ... hold up ... WE SCORED !!!. I just hapoen towalk into the room, and we score, and what's the score ... PFFFT ... Typical.
The camera pans to the crowd, and I'll be god damned .... The BULLDOGS ARMY is still there !!!
I am stunned by what I see.
Why are they ... ?
Why even ... ?
I dont get it !
I see big flags on poles.
I see banners.
I see faces I've being seeing for years high-fiving !
I see smiling.
I aint shitting you ... Genuine happiness !
It dawns on me, that I'm a selfish arsehole.
I'm a completely shit fan.
Looking back with 40-year old glasses on ... Maybe it's the wash-up of enduring Coffs and Salary Cap scandals. Maybe I'm just an arrogant dick in 2008. Probably both.
But it essentially boils down to this : In 2008, here I am all worried about how Bulldogs winning makes me look and feel in the presence of others. I'd allowed myself to get to the point where I needed 'wins' to feel secure about things. I was supporting the Bulldogs for the wrong reasons. I'd forgotten about my family's legacy of supporting Bulldogs for over 60years.
And all it took to smack me back into shape was the sight of those beautiful wonderful people in the crowd, STILL smiling, STILL showing up, enduing ass-kicking after ass-kicking.
I wanted to be more like them - How do they support THIS team without needing the win to go home happy ?
I decided in that 10mins of half-time break that I'd meet these people one day, and shake their hands, and say thanks. THOSE ... ARE MY PEEPS !!! I waited for 2nd half to start, and there they are again !!! Flags up, confetti and we're down 30-to-fucking-SIX ?!?!?!?
I fell in love with all of them immediately.
God bless these die-hards with no semblance of tact or logic !!!
Thanks to those die-hard souls ... I WAS BACK !
And I felt like I owned it to them, to join them in the empty stands.
The thing I learned from the Army of 2008, is that the club and its fans are something greater than it's individual parts. My hissy fit was over. We still got the spoon and I hated every bit of it.
SO when 2009 came calling, I'd become a rampant poster/nuisance on here, and was very confident we would not have a repeat of the spoon. We'd signed a host of names to get excited about and we're headed in a "brave new direction" (Ennis, Morris, Hannant, Stagg, Eastwood, Kimmorley, among others), and in Round One Hazem needed to boot a few goals to break the scoring record.
As if the footy-gods knew my mission, I won free tickets ... and gleefully stood in the rain to witness our first win in over 6 months over hotshots Manly. I met many-a-Kenneler that day.
And so began a ritual of spiritual cleansing. I met many more over the coming weeks. I attended 12-14 games that year. The mosh-pit celebrations after tries. The Kogarah video-ref outrage. Beers on the hill at Campbelltown. Birthday vs Panthers at home. Giving away 100 chocolate bars at the SFS vs Tigers. Bringing beachballs. Signing chants like a crazy dope, and having people come after a game and say "I liked watching you". I take full responsibility for starting the 40,000 strong Mexican Wave at ANZ for the Hazem's last home game.
It culminated with a SemiFinal against Parra ... and a march into battle with two warring tribes.
35,000 of them.
35,000 of us.
God damn that game remains the best experience I've had as a fan.
AND ... we lost !!!
I'd never felt more alive as a fan. We marched from wooden spoon in 2008, to the GF Qualifier, on the back of 16 wins, a new squad, a new coach, and a spiritually reborn base of blue and white idiots just like me, ALL here, ALL screaming, ALL hoping, ALL of our fury and focus in one direction. In my whole life, I've rarely felt more like I belonged somewhere.
I hugged a heap of strangers with tears and forlorn faces. I was sad too, but compared to the previous year, I was alive inside. I'd realised the highs DO come after the lows. And if you let them, that the fans shelter you from the lows.
I'll end story time with the the following ...
"Players come. Players go.
The refs are unjust. But the footy gods are not.
They will give you luck, if you play well, play hard, play fair.
If they see your efforts as reward-worthy, luck will fall upon thee.
Ultimately, the only thing that matters for you the fan with no control over anything, is that you are happy with the totality of your life right now.
If weekly stress and unhappiness comes with supporting your team, it's OK to take a break.
Re-assess why you love it. Like me, you may have lost your compass.
DO you REALLY need a "W" to justify your love for this club ?
OR ... is it simply enough to stand in the crowd on your day off, and wave a big fucking flag that makes kids watching at home go "WOW !!!"
For me : I love the club. I loved those who played and served it. But my best times have come when I give myself, and expect no "W" in return. I've been hugged, high-fived, fed the tastiest of treats with names of exotic things I could never remember, I've been thanked, I've posed for pictures, been seen by distant family in Bankstown newspapers photos, led an Army into battle, travelled Sydney far and wide, been given free beers ... and WHY ... because somehow, being AT the game transcends 'winning' a game.
I cant remember all the scores, who did what, who smashed someone ... but I certainly remember the faces and the smiles on the people who were there with me. Dozens upon dozens of otherwise total strangers who accepted me as family simply because I wear blue'n'white.
In 2018, times are bleak.
We may not emerge from these shadows until 2020.
Until then, forget scores, forget tables, forget finals.
Get back to the basics ... have a BBQ and/or a day out with family and like-minded friends at home ... enjoy the smiles on people's faces ... go to a game and have a good look at who is around you ... make a new funny banner (and own the situation, by making people LOL) ... make a new giant-ass flag for when the good times come back .... take 100 chocolate bars out of your own pocket and hand them out to kids/parents .... bring a cheap beachball knowing it'll totally get confiscated
It's these things that will sustain you.
And when the good times roll around, maybe, just maybe, all of this struggle will have been worth it.
Here's to a rare win over Parra next week ...
See you again, real soon.
I hear you.
I feel you.
I get it, I really do.
Allow me to rewind the clock to the dark, dark times leading up to 2008. Four short years after premiership glory, the wheels had completely fallen off the Bulldogs wagon. Injury plagued 2005, a better year in 2006 cut short by a tragic SF loss to Brisbane (I'm still triggered to this day), squad systematically poached by Roosters, Pricey left while we re-signed plodders to inflated contracts (largely due to managers negotiating for players who took pay cuts in 2002-2004), and when it couldn't look like getting any worse SBW pissed off to Toulon, and Folkesy (RIP - that still hurts) was shown the door.
Up steps Jim Dymock for the remaining games, and it's around about now Greenberg is assuming control of Belmore and flexing his influence in the wake of SBW. All of a sudden, we're plunging towards a wooden spoon, which we secure, after enduring a myriad of 30-50 point losses.
Remember that ?
Forget Coffs, forget Salary Cap ... THESE were our darkest days !
To put it bluntly, I rage-quit harder than a pimply teen playing Fortnite, and gave up everything to do with Bulldogs in mid 2008. - Couldn't do it anymore.
Couldn't bare to watch, get my hopes up, or even wear the jersey in public to rub our success in arseholes faces - (sidenote : for those who remember, wearing a Bulldogs jersey after 2002-2004 got you insulted by passing idiots with 'rapist' and 'terrroist' ... even I got it, and I'm as white as a milk bottle !). Glory was a distant memory. Papers had been dancing on our graves for years. None of the players resembled anybody we grew to love in the early 2000's. We couldn't compete, let alone win. Morale was rock bottom. Crowds were down. No coach. No direction. Wooden spoon here we come.
The weekly stress, the shit-talking mates and family, the neighbours, the workmates ... UGH !!! .... what a shitheap we were.
So I got all uppity, and decided "THAT'S IT !!!"
I said "I'M NOT GONNA CARE UNTIL THESE LOSERS DO !"
Feel familiar ?
Sound like anyone you know ?
Anyhoo .... it lasted about 6-8 weeks
.... then, one random day, I was walking past the TV
... and the Bulldogs were playing (Tigers I think).
... so I stopped for a little look.
... and (I shit you not) the next 10-15 minutes changed the course of my whole life.
At first glance, it was approaching half-time, and we were being well beaten ... again ... (30-0 from memory). It was a home game at ANZ, the weather was fantastic and all you could see were specs of individual and seats in the sun. I snorted "Typical", and WAIT ... hold up ... WE SCORED !!!. I just hapoen towalk into the room, and we score, and what's the score ... PFFFT ... Typical.
The camera pans to the crowd, and I'll be god damned .... The BULLDOGS ARMY is still there !!!
I am stunned by what I see.
Why are they ... ?
Why even ... ?
I dont get it !
I see big flags on poles.
I see banners.
I see faces I've being seeing for years high-fiving !
I see smiling.
I aint shitting you ... Genuine happiness !
It dawns on me, that I'm a selfish arsehole.
I'm a completely shit fan.
Looking back with 40-year old glasses on ... Maybe it's the wash-up of enduring Coffs and Salary Cap scandals. Maybe I'm just an arrogant dick in 2008. Probably both.
But it essentially boils down to this : In 2008, here I am all worried about how Bulldogs winning makes me look and feel in the presence of others. I'd allowed myself to get to the point where I needed 'wins' to feel secure about things. I was supporting the Bulldogs for the wrong reasons. I'd forgotten about my family's legacy of supporting Bulldogs for over 60years.
And all it took to smack me back into shape was the sight of those beautiful wonderful people in the crowd, STILL smiling, STILL showing up, enduing ass-kicking after ass-kicking.
I wanted to be more like them - How do they support THIS team without needing the win to go home happy ?
I decided in that 10mins of half-time break that I'd meet these people one day, and shake their hands, and say thanks. THOSE ... ARE MY PEEPS !!! I waited for 2nd half to start, and there they are again !!! Flags up, confetti and we're down 30-to-fucking-SIX ?!?!?!?
I fell in love with all of them immediately.
God bless these die-hards with no semblance of tact or logic !!!
Thanks to those die-hard souls ... I WAS BACK !
And I felt like I owned it to them, to join them in the empty stands.
The thing I learned from the Army of 2008, is that the club and its fans are something greater than it's individual parts. My hissy fit was over. We still got the spoon and I hated every bit of it.
SO when 2009 came calling, I'd become a rampant poster/nuisance on here, and was very confident we would not have a repeat of the spoon. We'd signed a host of names to get excited about and we're headed in a "brave new direction" (Ennis, Morris, Hannant, Stagg, Eastwood, Kimmorley, among others), and in Round One Hazem needed to boot a few goals to break the scoring record.
As if the footy-gods knew my mission, I won free tickets ... and gleefully stood in the rain to witness our first win in over 6 months over hotshots Manly. I met many-a-Kenneler that day.
And so began a ritual of spiritual cleansing. I met many more over the coming weeks. I attended 12-14 games that year. The mosh-pit celebrations after tries. The Kogarah video-ref outrage. Beers on the hill at Campbelltown. Birthday vs Panthers at home. Giving away 100 chocolate bars at the SFS vs Tigers. Bringing beachballs. Signing chants like a crazy dope, and having people come after a game and say "I liked watching you". I take full responsibility for starting the 40,000 strong Mexican Wave at ANZ for the Hazem's last home game.
It culminated with a SemiFinal against Parra ... and a march into battle with two warring tribes.
35,000 of them.
35,000 of us.
God damn that game remains the best experience I've had as a fan.
AND ... we lost !!!
I'd never felt more alive as a fan. We marched from wooden spoon in 2008, to the GF Qualifier, on the back of 16 wins, a new squad, a new coach, and a spiritually reborn base of blue and white idiots just like me, ALL here, ALL screaming, ALL hoping, ALL of our fury and focus in one direction. In my whole life, I've rarely felt more like I belonged somewhere.
I hugged a heap of strangers with tears and forlorn faces. I was sad too, but compared to the previous year, I was alive inside. I'd realised the highs DO come after the lows. And if you let them, that the fans shelter you from the lows.
I'll end story time with the the following ...
"Players come. Players go.
The refs are unjust. But the footy gods are not.
They will give you luck, if you play well, play hard, play fair.
If they see your efforts as reward-worthy, luck will fall upon thee.
Ultimately, the only thing that matters for you the fan with no control over anything, is that you are happy with the totality of your life right now.
If weekly stress and unhappiness comes with supporting your team, it's OK to take a break.
Re-assess why you love it. Like me, you may have lost your compass.
DO you REALLY need a "W" to justify your love for this club ?
OR ... is it simply enough to stand in the crowd on your day off, and wave a big fucking flag that makes kids watching at home go "WOW !!!"
For me : I love the club. I loved those who played and served it. But my best times have come when I give myself, and expect no "W" in return. I've been hugged, high-fived, fed the tastiest of treats with names of exotic things I could never remember, I've been thanked, I've posed for pictures, been seen by distant family in Bankstown newspapers photos, led an Army into battle, travelled Sydney far and wide, been given free beers ... and WHY ... because somehow, being AT the game transcends 'winning' a game.
I cant remember all the scores, who did what, who smashed someone ... but I certainly remember the faces and the smiles on the people who were there with me. Dozens upon dozens of otherwise total strangers who accepted me as family simply because I wear blue'n'white.
In 2018, times are bleak.
We may not emerge from these shadows until 2020.
Until then, forget scores, forget tables, forget finals.
Get back to the basics ... have a BBQ and/or a day out with family and like-minded friends at home ... enjoy the smiles on people's faces ... go to a game and have a good look at who is around you ... make a new funny banner (and own the situation, by making people LOL) ... make a new giant-ass flag for when the good times come back .... take 100 chocolate bars out of your own pocket and hand them out to kids/parents .... bring a cheap beachball knowing it'll totally get confiscated
It's these things that will sustain you.
And when the good times roll around, maybe, just maybe, all of this struggle will have been worth it.
Here's to a rare win over Parra next week ...
See you again, real soon.
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