Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I don't wanna rock and roll all night anymore. An hour is fine. Two tops.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

You expect me to believe my son dried these tomatoes?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My grandpa always said, “Fight fire with fire.”

Great man. Terrible firefighter.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How does Darth Vader like his coffee?

On the dark side.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

If my wife and I did a cooking show it would just be her telling me I'm in the way.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why does my wife always wait until I'm at the opposite end of the house before asking me to 'Merm frner mernferr brnerfer!'?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.

I had to get a running start, but I made it.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A colourblind friend insists that all apples are yellow.

I told him that was bananas.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I rush home so quick after work, like I’m late for the house.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Apart from “life is short,” what other lines do you use before making bad decisions?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you hear about the actor who broke his leg onstage?

He's still in the cast.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I got fined by the city for illegally fixing the potholes on the streets by my house.

I can’t really blame them though. It was my own asphalt.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens.

They're calling it the Apollo G.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Genie: "What's your first wish?"

Steve: "I wish I was rich."

Genie: "What's your second wish, Rich?"

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm doing one of those escape rooms today.

Well, I'm going to work, but I'm trying to get out of it.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My 6-year-old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill.

Looks like she's preparing some kind of barbie queue.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole.

He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the garden.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why does the Swedish navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships?

So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.