Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I bought my wife a Pug as a present.

Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What kind of car does a sheep drive?

A Lamborghini.

Just kidding. Sheep can't afford a Lambo. They just take an Ewe-ber.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

PISSTIFIED: Being pissed & mystified at someone’s stupidity at the same time.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I was arguing with a guy in the pub who said he was a big pop star in the 80's...

l didn't believe him, but he was adamant!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

We all know mirrors don't lie…

I'm just grateful that they don't laugh.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Does anyone know how to get peanut butter out of hair?

I made myself a sandwich earlier.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The person who invented the ferris wheel never met the person who invented the merry go round.

They traveled in different circles.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What is a chiropractor’s favorite kind of music?

Hip pop.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The word queue is ironic.

It's just the letter ‘q’ with a bunch of silent letters waiting in a line.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My knee just cracked so loudly that I half expect it to glow in the dark tonight.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A giant hole has been knocked into the wall surrounding the nudist colony.

Police are looking into it.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

There once was a man from Peru.

Whose limerick was three lines too few…

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The adhd urge to use parenthesis in every sentence (because every thought comes with additional bonus content).

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

If you were looking for Star Wars puns from me today, you were looking in Alderaan places.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I accidently dropped my keys in my friend's Nikes shoes.

He now has Mykeys.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I went skydiving today for the first time.

This guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the Plane and as we plummeted, he said: “So, how long have you been an Instructor?"

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?

Patient: "Good new please."

Doctor: "We're naming a disease after you."

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A couple of kids asked me what it was like for me growing up.

So I took their phones, shut off the internet, gave them a popsicle & told them to go outside till the street lights came on.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Without revealing where you’re from, what’s a signature food unique to your hometown?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My ancestors navigated the ocean using stars and I'm over here missing my exit with GPS.