As someone who used to teach others how to drive rally cars, and with a few advanced and defensive driving courses undertaken....
Think of it as accelerating in reverse.
Always always ALWAYS downshift, as you get the added benefit of engine braking, and you'd be amazed how quickly you can pull up a car with a combination of engine braking and brakes.
That doesn't mean you have to run it through all gears though. Sometimes if I'm in 4th and coming to a stop I'll go straight from 4th, through third and straight into 2nd quickly.
Neutral is commonly known as "angel gear", because when you are in it, you're in the hands of gods (no control).
I'm no mechanic, but neutral shouldn't reak havoc on a clutch as the clutch plates are disengaged when in neutral. Downshifting will only wear gearbox and clutch components if: the car's gearbox oil is not maintained on a regular basis, you abuse the gearbox, you don't use the clutch, you force the gears, or you come off the clutch violentely (i.e dropping it and smashing the clutch plates together).
FWIW in an emergency braking situation where you might have severly reduced, or complete failure of brakes, often engine braking is used (at the sacrifice of the gearbox), to slow the car down to a complete stop, in combination with the hand brake (also at the sacrifice of your tyres). It's not recomended, but if it's life or death, its your best option (
http://www.smartdriving.co.uk/Driving/Driving_emergencies/Brakes_fail.htm).
