Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I was in a taxi today and the driver said, "I love my job. I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do."

Then I said: "Turn left here."

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My Viagra addiction…

Was the hardest time of my life.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I recently joined a nudist colony.

The first week was the hardest.

 

[Mr 95%]

Aldi are selling humpty dumpty toys right now. It's really exciting as they're also selling Aldi kings horses and Aldi kings men.

Be buggered if I’ll be puttin him all back together again..

 

[D0GMATIC]

Why did the sperm cross the road ? Because I wore the wrong socks

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What happens when you eat aluminium foil?

You sheet metal.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I said to my girlfriend, "If you continue stealing my cooking utensils, I'll move out!"

She just laughed and said... “That's a whisk I'm willing to take!"

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My son wanted to know what it's like to be married.

So, I asked him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

 

[Smartseal]

Took me a while, but i found a pic of @Bulldog Wrestler

 

[BlackJackBulldog]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Kung fu man]

View attachment 37413

must be canada the bastards are everywhere

 

[Smartseal]

View attachment 37413

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I went to my boss’s funeral.

I kneeled down next to the coffin and whispered, “who is thinking outside the box now?”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I had a vasectomy because I didn’t want any kids.

When I got home, they were still there.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I opened my pay envelope today and found it was full of parsley.

Someone garnished my wages.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[BlackJackBulldog]

 

[DinkumDog]

Took me a while, but i found a pic of @Bulldog Wrestler View attachment 37284

Ha, I used to do some work with Elliott (real name Jack). Dryer than a martini. One of my favourite gags of his was: ‘My friend told me he had sinusitis, hepatitis, bronchitis, gastritis, appendicitis, conjunctivitis, laryngitis, gingivitis, tonsillitis, and arthritis’. So I said to him: ‘Well, at least you have your health’ .