Really bad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My girlfriend is leaving me because she can't stand the herbs I have been using in the kitchen.

Bae leaves.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Son: I’m tired…

Me: at least you’re not a bicycle, then you’ll be two-tired.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My friend keeps saying, “Cheer up, it could be worse, you could get stuck underground in a hole full of water.”

I know he means well.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What’s blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife’s leaving me because she thinks I’m obsessed with astronomy.

What planet is she on?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

If I’m reading their lips correctly...

My neighbours are arguing about some creepy guy next door.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Heard there’s a place in France where people always wear clothing a size bigger than they need.

Some say it's Toulouse.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 penises.

Doctor: “5 penises? How do your trousers fit?”

Man: “Fits like a glove.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I got arrested today for walking out of an art museum with a painting.

I’m just so confused because earlier when I asked the security if I could take a picture, they said “yes”.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A traveling salesman offered me a deal on a coffin.

I told him that's the last thing I need.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife told me I’ve grown as a person.

Her actual words were “you’ve gotten fat”, but I know what she meant.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.

For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I was kidnapped by mimes once.

They did unspeakable things to me.

 

[GoblinSlayer]