Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife has begged me to stop making police related puns...

I said, "O.K.....I'll give it arrest.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What are the two steps to marrying a country girl?

First; a tractor. Next; fertilizer.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender?"

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I could never date a kleptomaniac.

I don't think I have what it takes.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables.

Jack and the beans talk!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How was Rome split in two?

With a pair of Ceasars.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do pigs learn in the army?

Ham to ham combat.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I've got the body of a porn star.

All my clothes says XXXX.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

If you spell the words “Absolutely Nothing” backwards, you get “Gnihton Yletulosba…”

…which ironically means Absolutely nothing.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I would like to go to Holland some day.

Wooden shoe?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut ?

A barbercue.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Most dads only drink on days that begin with T: Tuesday, Thursday …

… Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, and Thunday.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items #1, 3, & 5 were done.

Turns out, he only does odd jobs.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What is the hardest cult to join?

The diffi-cult.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What did Newton think when he discovered gravity?

Shit is about to go down.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How do you get 100 maths teachers into a room in which only 99 fit?

You carry the one.

 

[BlackJackBulldog]

How do you get 100 maths teachers into a room in which only 99 fit?

You carry the one.

What happened to the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil