Executive Conference

[Ghost of Dime]

At a national conference of the Australian Hotels Association, the general managers of Cascade Brewery (Tasmania), Tooheys (New South Wales), XXXX (Queensland), CUB (Victoria) and Coopers (South Australia) found themselves sitting at the same table for lunch.


When the waitress asked what they wanted to drink, the GM of Tooheys said without hesitation, "I'll have a Tooheys New."

The head of Carlton & United smiled and said, “Make mine a VB."

To which the boss of Coopers rejoined, "I'll have a Coopers, the King of Beers."

And the bloke from Cascade asked for "a Cascade, the cleanest draught on the planet."

The General Manager of XXXX paused a moment and then placed his order: "I'll have a Diet Coke."


The others looked at him as if he had sprouted a new head.

"Well,” he said with a shrug, “if you poofters aren't drinking beer, then neither will I."

 

[BootS]

Really he said "i wil have a glass of camels piss".

 

[Ghost of Dime]

no, it's called Diet Coke up here

 

[BootS]

no, it's called Diet Coke up here

o O

 

[bLaQDoG..]

I don't drink beer - but even I wouldn't piss in a bowl of XXXX.

That would be like pouring clean drinking water into a bowl of ****.

 

[Ghost of Dime]

Man up, you soft southerners

 

[Shanked]

worst drink ever

 

[Bob dog]

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, an American, a Kiwi, and a blonde Aussie, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The American woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Kiwi woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Blonde Aussie woman came to him and said, 'Have you ever been f *** ed?' The man broke into a big smile and said, 'No.'
She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'

 

[FaceBreaker]

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, an American, a Kiwi, and a blonde Aussie, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The American woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Kiwi woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Blonde Aussie woman came to him and said, 'Have you ever been f *** ed?' The man broke into a big smile and said, 'No.'
She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'

Hehe nice.

 

[Ghost of Dime]

I had to sit an upgraded biology test yesterday, I was asked to name somethingcommonly found in cells. Apparently 'Sudanese people' was not the correct answer.

P.S- before anyone claims I'm racist, that joke originally used the term niggers. My tolerance is the stuff of legend tbh.

 

[BootS]

^^^ Ha ha ha you racist

 

[Ghost of Dime]

I hate everyone except me equally

 

[Ghost of Dime]

A man walks into a pharmacy and says "Where's the tampons?". The shop assistant directs him to the right spot, but he returns to the counterwith cotton woolballs & toilet paper.
"I thought you wanted tampons?" the shopkeeper said. "Yeah, well last week I asked my missus to buy me a pack of smokes but she came back with a pouch of tobacco- we'll see how she likes rolling her own."

 

[K E]

A man walks into a pharmacy and says "Where's the tampons?". The shop assistant directs him to the right spot, but he returns to the counterwith cotton woolballs & toilet paper.
"I thought you wanted tampons?" the shopkeeper said. "Yeah, well last week I asked my missus to buy me a pack of smokes but she came back with a pouch of tobacco- we'll see how she likes rolling her own."

Hahahahahahahahaha. Nice.

 

[Ghost of Dime]

Thank you, I liked it too.

 

[K E]

I did have a disgusting picture in my head though. I pictured bloodied cotton balls.

 

[Ghost of Dime]

Then my work here is done.

 

[K E]

It's fine, I pictured they were Teri Hatcher's bloodied cotton balls.

I would fck her. I'd even get an Asianectomy and fck her in her ears.

 

[Ghost of Dime]

By Asianectomy, you mean enlargement, right?

 

[K E]

Yes.