Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why did the house go to the doctor?

It was having window panes.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I couldn’t figure out how the seat belt worked.

Then it just clicked.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer?

He couldn’t see himself doing it.

 

[Dognacious]

Told my girl i thought her cloths were too tight and revealing.

She said "then wear your own"

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My boss said to me, "You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?"

I said: "I'm not sure. It's hard to keep track."

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

This morning I coughed up a pawn, a knight and a bishop.

I must have a chess infection.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm pretty sure that the hotel receptionist was checking me out.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I have been teaching my dog to fetch tools from my workshop.

He’s not perfect. But he knows the drill.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?

The mean increases.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I’ve always been hesitant to post Monopoly puns but today I thought I’d take a Chance.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies.

Worth every penne.

 

[Cryptic Ghost]

.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I heard that by law you need to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden.

How the hell am I supposed to know when it's raining in Sweden?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I showed up late to the weekly kleptomaniacs anonymous meeting and all the seats were taken.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the Scholastic book fair.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body?

He's all right now.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Eminem walks into a bar and orders a round of shots.

The bartender says, “You only get one shot.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Netflix should have a category called “easy to follow while looking at your phone the whole time.”