Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What smells better than it tastes?

A nose.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I've been telling people about the benefits of eating dried grapes...

You know, Raisin Awareness

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife just left me.

She says my life revolves around football and she’s sick of it.

I’m quite upset, we were together for seven seasons.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...

But I can’t even finish drinking the hot bath.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Found a bullet in my avocado.

I guess you could call it glockomole.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I called the bank to pay my student loan but turns out some kind lady lit my contract on fire and said I didn’t owe anything anymore…

Thanks Bernadette!!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call two worms in love?

Soilmates.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without a permission.

That makes me sick.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I asked my friend Sam to sing a song about his mobile phone.

And then Samsung.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

After reading the Bible, I've concluded: Adam & Eve didn't read the "Apple, Terms and Conditions".

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Mr 95%]

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
(When I told that one to Mrs Grunthos she replied, "Well she's not doing it right..." ; )

Fkn lol..

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

When we make pizza at home it's my wife's job to shred the cheese.

She's the gratist!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a reluctant potato?

A hesitater

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Don't use double negatives.

They're a big no no.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Someone dropped a power tool on my head the other day.

One minute I was fine, then BOSCH!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My favourite word is drool.

It just rolls off the tongue.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Have you heard about the band 1023Mb?

No gig yet.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why do actors say "Break a leg?"

They all want to be in a cast.