Dad jokes

[Disposable Hero]

Missus comes out with below.

What do you call the fat version of the wiggles?
The Wobbles!!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My friend has a compulsion of dipping his testicles into glitter.

Pretty nuts.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I've started investing in stocks....first chicken, then beef, now vegetable.

Despite the potential risks I believe one day I'll be a boullionaire.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I scratched my New Kia.

Now I have Nokia.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii...

Or just a low ha.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you hear about the man going around painting peoples houses illegally?

They caught him red handed.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How does a computer get drunk?

It takes screen shots.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed ?

Because, it would blow his cover.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out.

Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I would love to get paid to sleep.

It would be a dream job.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call two octopuses who look the same?

Itenticle.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I’m so tired of Millennials and their attitudes….

Always walking around like they rent the place.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

To everyone out there suffering from paranoia.

Just remember you're not alone.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why aren't koalas actual bears?

Because they don't meet the koalafications.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My doctor told me I'm going deaf.

The news was hard for me to hear.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I put my old car into reverse the other day.

Man, that took me back.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

They said i couldn't be good at poetry because I’m dyslexic.

But so far I’ve made 3 jugs and a vase and they are lovely.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

If I don’t perfect human cloning, I won’t be able to live with myself.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I took a job as an executioner, but it's been tough.

I'm really struggling to get ahead.

 

[alchemist]

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