A long (very) winded yarn about being fake sacked by a mad old eccentric crop farmer worth 10's of millions to teach his prick so a lesson.
(I've included alot of dialogue to convey the bogancentric characters)
A freind and I were working on his neighbours rural property (about 30kms away), building a front and back deck on his entitled sons house which was gifted to him along with the adjacent 600 acres.
Before we started we already discussed with the dad we will provide our own labourers and to mow a couple of strips of oates (the paddock was up about 2-3 feet) for an airstrip along the road so we could fly in and out once we have the materials and tools at the jobsite. The conversation went like "Joe, you should mow me and this **** an airstrip along that east west thoroughfare up at Josh's (son) so we don't have to fuck around coming over the mountain and through that fucked up the creek" Joe says "ohh ffs that's 10 thousand dollars worth of oates. Josh will kill me." I say "it'll grow back, were not landing a caboose on the fuckin thing. Joe "What about the last time and you didn't even use it." My mate says "That was your fault you fucked us around and mowed the wrong paddock. Just mow us the fuckin airstrip and don't be a tight arse ****". I interject "Youve probably spent 10k on those trains (models) this year" so he comes back with "Dont you fuckin talk about my trains thats inheritance for the grand kids. Fuck ya's I'll do it, just let me tickle you on the arse a little bit. I'm only doing it because I love you *****..and your hot wife, especially your wife and because you're a bunch of ***** like me. When ya's come down here anyway I'll go up and have dinner with Tilly (mates wife). I love her cooking. What about a beer you want a beer, here have a beer, here here here fuckin take it. Oh you also have to come over to the house and have lunch with me and Dottie (Owners wife). Shes got a roast there and shell make us tea. Make sure you compliment her cooking or I'll shoot the fuckin both of ya's. Wanna see me new gun here here just wait a sec." Then proceeds to come back around the corner and fire off both barrels of his new Berreta scaring the fuck out of a labourer. Then he continues "But whatever Josh says about money (for the work) just agree with **** and don't discuss anything with him, I'll pay you boys the proper amount, come see me before you finish. Dont fucking tell him though".
And so we started the job with the impossible task of not discussing the exact work value.
We hire 2 local labourers to meet us at the jobsite. They will drive to my mates place and drive his work ute out to us along with whatever else we need them to pick up before they make the commute each day.
Job is in full swing and the son is largely not to be seen except for consulting on the initial planned layout and running messages and lunches from daddy. Nearing completion he's hanging around and making commentary about a discount because of the airstrip and us just making enough to pay the labourers.
Freind says "were here to do other work too **** so don't worry about us".
The son decides to dive into specifics with a "dad said it'll only be 15k build for the front and 10k for the back and 20k has been on materials. These boys (labour) are what, 200 a day. What are you two, 400? 4 days already so that's 1600... " The cogs start turning in his inbred looking head and the math isn't mathing.
My mate interrupts "don't fucking worry about us ****, these boys will be getting 300 a day its 600 for him (me) and you should think yourself fuckin lucky I'm only going to charge ya 800. That's not withstanding the use of all my tools, fuel and all the other shit we had to drag over that mountain to finish the job".
Josh " Well I think you're already over budget I'll finish it myself because I'm not giving you anymore money, already cost me fuckin 10 grand in oates"
Freind "I don't fucking work for you ****. I work for myself. Fuck off (from his own house lol) and go speak to Joe".
Joe drives back with his son and says while standing behind him and overtly winking "so you dont want to pay em anymore to finish Josh? He says 'no they've already cost me e-fucking'nough with that runway"
Joe says with contrite "alright all you boys can knock off then, don't fucking worry about it. Josh knows fuckin everything nobody can tell him. When you pack up all your shit drop by the house".
When we get back to the house "what do you owe these boys(labourers)? Freind " 4 and a half days, 1350. Each".
Each!? Fuck me dead don't you fucking tell Dottie or any of these ***** what you're getting" Joe then gets the boys cash and hands over a 6 pack each and tells them "one of you boys take my cruiser and get that flatbed trailer, load up 6 of those round bails" Labourer "what with, the tractor?" Joe "nah yeah with my fuckin dick what do you think? And take both those vehicles and all that shit up to Richards (freind). Dick just drop that vehicle back when Josh comes to his fuckin senses." Me "so we're keeping the landcruiser than"? Joe pulls out the chequebook " what are you 2 gunna cost me. Aww don't fuckin tell me, you'll break my heart" hands over signed blank cheque. Richard looks at me "we could go get that Grumman Tiger (airplane) but we'll need a bigger airstrip Joe". I add " A windsock and about 100 edge lights, solar to run them..watch this **** though I heard his cheques bounce". Joe "I've never heard so much bullshit in all my life you lying bastard Ive never bounced". Richard "so what the fuck is going on with these decks?". Me "only have to put the iron in, attach the fascia and hang the gutters." Joe "what's in it, a day? Me "For us 4 it's a day. With a early knock off drinking Josh's beers" Joe "Josh will fuck it up and you'll have to come and fix it, you watch" Me "But you also have to consider Joe, we've payed those lads to pack up our shit which we had organised for this job. We've got other shit to do so well organise another suitable job lot and by the time you bash some sense into Josh we have to then fuck arse around to come clean up this mess" Joe "well that's your fuckin problem not mine, I don't give a fuck about any of that". Richard "What were saying Joe is you're wasting our fucking time **** and that's what we get payed for. We could be doing easier jobs, for more money, for less fucking around." Me " I'm not a fucking baby sitter". Joe "Wait for this **** to fuck it up and keep that cheque and and we'll sort it out when you come back".
4 days go by with intermittent showers and we get the call so we fly in to assess the damage. The son left the fascia sitting on the roof which was blown off and damaged beyond repair, he'd stepped on and crinkled the iron which pooled water and battened down the iron without grommets in the valleys instead of the peaks and hung the gutter almost perfectly level..so the water doesn't runaway to the downpipe.
Upon inspection the son comes back and tells his dad "don't know what they're doing here I've already done it". The dad "All you've done is fuck everything up, you need a fuckin holiday or something. For the sake of a days pay. Josh "I'll get someone else to come and fix it I'm not fucking paying that" Joe" There is no one else you fucking idiot. That's why we look after these blokes because no one wants to come out here and do the work in 40 degrees. And the next time you 'need' something done these 2 assholes will tell you to get fucked. I'm paying these boys whatever they sat it's worth and then you're going to give me $ in oates or I'll pull this fuckin fence down and the heifers can get into it. Get in the tractor and stay out of these boys way or go and fucking shoot something I dunno".
Never did ask what my mate billed but I got 4k for 5 and a half days work plus the bit of time we lost 10-ish years back.
Next time we seen the son he aplogised and ofcourse blamed his old man for the stress of being gifted a goose that lays a golden egg. Tough life
