I never wanted to leave: Josh Reynolds' agony over leaving Canterbury Bulldogs
Josh Reynolds has poured his heart out about the agony of walking away from the club he loves. Michael Chammas reports.
Josh Reynolds has stood inside the Bulldogs' Belmore headquarters and watched teammates announce they were leaving the club many times throughout his years at Canterbury.
"I just never pictured it would one day be me," he said.
Heart pumping rapidly. Legs like jelly. Then the tears.
"I couldn't talk. I couldn't come to terms with the fact that this was happening to me," he said in a candid interview with Fairfax Media after an emotional week for the Tigers-bound five-eighth.
"I was scared of what the boys would think of me. My mates, what they think of me is what I take out of life. The way they talk about me to their other friends, that's how I feel I'm judged on whether I'm a good person or not a good person.
"Whether I'm a good footballer or not, people are going to have their own opinion. But what I take out of life is whether the people that know me think I'm a good person."
And so marks the beginning of the end for the man most describe as the heart and soul of the family club.
Reynolds never thought he'd leave and was willing to stay for less money. He was willing to stay on a deal with a shorter commitment than the one on the table at the Tigers. But when people at his own club were telling him he couldn't turn down the offer at the Wests Tigers, he knew his time was up.
"I don't think some people realise that I was willing to stay for less money," Reynolds said. "I definitely would have stayed for a little bit less at the Dogs. Everyone knows that. But when the difference is life-changing, how do you say no? Sometimes it's no one's fault. I know that's hard to say because I'm hurting at the moment, but I'm man enough to be the bigger man.
"I don't hate the Dogs. How can I hate the club that's given me everything I have in life and helped me set up my future and the future of my kids one day? The Dogs have given me so much in my life. Really, they've given me everything. People have been saying to me I thought you were a Bulldog through and through. I am a Bulldog through and through. It just didn't work out that way."
Ultimately, Reynolds' time at Canterbury is up because of the impending arrival of Kieran Foran.
For so many years, the promise of Foran's arrival at Belmore has kept Reynolds second-guessing his position at the club. This time, he knew the threat was real.
I definitely would have stayed for a little bit less. But when the difference is life-changing, how do you say no?
Josh Reynolds
"I've always heard it for a long time and brushed it off, but now that it has finally happened, it does hurt a bit because he's coming to the club I love, and I would have loved to have stayed," Reynolds said.
"He is a great player. It just sucks that I can't be there to see it through. I can't be angry at the club. I don't want the fans, my friends or my family to be angry at the club.
"When I heard they might be signing him I was a bit scared because I wasn't sure how I was going to fit in. The thing with buying someone else, the reality is that someone is going to have to go and I really didn't think that was going to be me. I really wanted to stay. I want people to know that I wanted to stay. But I also want people to know the Bulldogs didn't push me out."
Reynolds' legacy at the Bulldogs will be as one of the most passionate players the club has ever produced. A Canterbury junior who recognised his own shortcomings, but made up for it with a relentless desire to win. He has helped the club to reach two grand finals, falling short on both occasions. And at a club that deems anything short of the premiership as failure, change was always on the horizon.
"We've had a really good team for six years but we still haven't won the comp," Reynolds said. "Whether they needed a change and I was the person that needed to go, I'm not sure. We should have won a comp. That's me being me and telling the truth. Is it my fault? Maybe I've got a bit to do with it. I don't know.
"We've been so close, but not close enough. But I don't think I'm being pushed out because I couldn't help the club win a comp. In the end I'm just another number. There will be another local coming through that will do anything for that club. It's just how footy goes. I hate that I have to leave, but it's a decision that I had to make."
This is his club. This is his family's club. So much so his mother works at the club's merchandise store.
So, the hardest part about walking away from the Bulldogs was telling the woman closest to him everything was about to change.
"It was so hard to look my mum in the eye," Reynolds said. "We've been at this club together 14 years. She's a Bulldog as well.
"When I told her, you'd think she had just seen a ghost. Just before I left on the day I told the boys, she broke down. That killed me.
"It just shows you what footy does and what this club means to me and my family. It's not just about you. It's everything. This was the hardest decision of my life."
His days might be numbered, but his motivation won't waiver. Reynolds doesn't want to leave the club with unfinished business and has made a vow to his teammates that he will turn his final year at the club into something special.
"I told them I wasn't done with yet," he said. "I want to finish on a high. I owe it to them. I owe it to the club and I owe it to myself."
*Read Saturday's The Sydney Morning Herald to find out how Ivan Cleary convinced Josh Reynolds to join the Wests Tigers*
http://www.smh.com.au/rugby-league/...ving-canterbury-bulldogs-20170427-gvu30p.html
